


If We Sleep Together

by Willowe



Series: Romance is Boring [8]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aromantic Tony Stark, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sobriety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-07-14 18:52:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16046477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowe/pseuds/Willowe
Summary: Tony and his partners decide to take advantage of some rare downtime to get away for a much-needed vacation. But with the anniversary of Afghanistan (and Pepper's birthday) both fast approaching, they find that actually "relaxing" isn't quite as easy as they were hoping.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Upfront warning that while this fic is completely written, it's not completely edited yet so I can't guarantee consistent updates. But I woke this morning up to a lovely comment on another fic in this series and felt motivated to start posting this one now :)
> 
> Tags, warnings, and rating might be subject to change - I'll make a note at the beginning of a chapter if that's the case. 
> 
> In the meantime, I hope you enjoy!

Tony walks into her office, not quite shaking but rather almost vibrating with a nervous tension that Pepper can almost feel in the air. He grins at her, wide and nearly manic, and says, “Pepper! Just the woman I wanted to see!”

“What do you want, Tony?” Pepper asks, forcing a note of dry amusement and exasperation into her voice, because that’s how they work and what Tony will be expecting. In her mind, though, she’s running calculations, figuring out dates.

Pepper’s birthday is in ten days. The Anniversary is one day before that. And for the first time, Tony is sober. Has been, for just over two months now, ever since he restarted his streak on December 17th.

That combination of facts makes something tighten in Pepper’s chest, an echo of the anxiety she always feels every year as her birthday draws closer.

“I want a vacation,” Tony declares loudly. He throws himself down into the chair in front of Pepper’s desk, and nearly unseats himself when it spins under the momentum. He glares at Pepper, the effect somewhat diminished by the fact that he’s barely stopping himself from falling to the ground, and complains, “You bought a new chair.”

“The old one was starting to fall apart.” It’s a testament to how strong Pepper’s sense of professionalism is that she doesn’t let a single giggle escape, no matter how ridiculous Tony looks.

Tony gives her an affronted look, and then repeats, “I want a vacation.”

Any other day, with a Tony who seemed more calm than the one sitting in front of her, Pepper might have responded with, “So go take one.” Tony is in high demand, sure, but things have been quieter than usual for him these last few months. With Wilson fully integrated into the Avengers and Thor on Earth for the foreseeable future, Tony is no longer the sole source of aerial support on missions. Holly has the Avengers’ PR well under their control, and with the new tech designs being spearheaded by Tams in Malibu R&D even Stark Industries could handle Tony taking a break for a few weeks.

But there’s something in the way that Tony says he _wants_ a vacation, not that he is decisively taking one... Something in the timing of this, so close to The Anniversary… Something in Tony’s too-bright sober eyes, that makes Pepper pause, and reconsider what he’s asking for.

Jim has leave coming up in a day or two. It’s all he’s been talking about for the last few weeks. The Air Force has been running him ragged with the number of missions they’re having him fly lately, and Jim has been adamant about not putting on the War Machine armor for at least a week. “Not even if aliens attack again,” he had insisted, and Pepper’s pretty sure he means that.

As for her… Well, ever since the LC Tech acquisition was finalized things have been relatively quiet at SI. Pepper is confident that the company will be able to survive both her and Tony taking a vacation at the same time.

“Where were you thinking of going?” Pepper asks. “You know Rhodey doesn’t like being anywhere cold.”

Tony’s eyes light up immediately, and Pepper knows that she read the situation correctly. “Well Rhodey is just going to have to get over that, because I want to go to the mountain cabin.”

Pepper hums, noncommittal. She’s never been to the cabin and would love to finally go, but it is February in New York. Even if they can get upstate without issue, she’s not sure how she feels about the risk of being snowed in if another storm rolls through. “You sure you don’t want to go somewhere tropical instead?” she asks.

Tony glances away, just for a second, before forcing a smile and saying mildly, “I’m not really in the mood to deal with sand.” Pepper’s stomach drops, sudden and uncomfortable, and she could kick herself. “I’ll give you your choice of European city as a compromise, though.”

“Let Jim choose, if he’s the one who’s going to take offense at the cold,” Pepper says. “When were you thinking of leaving?”

“As soon as Rhodey gets here, if you can wrap up any loose ends at work before then,” Tony says. “I’d like to have at least a week before-” He cuts off his sentence and clears his throat, not quite meeting Pepper’s eyes anymore. “The more time we have, the better I think.”

It’s a short deadline, but one that Pepper knows she’ll have no problem meeting. “You talk to Jim, and make arrangements wherever he decides to go,” Pepper says. “Just tell me when we’re leaving, and I’ll be there.”

Tony grins at her, wide and happy and a far cry from when he first came into her office. “I’ll have JARVIS pass along the details,” he promises her as he stands up. Pepper reaches out one hand to him and Tony squeezes it, his smile a little softer for just a moment. Pepper so wants to kiss him, if he would let her, but the fact that they’re in her glass-walled office makes that an impossibility at the moment.

So she settles for smiling back at him, and saying, “I’ll keep an eye out for it. I can’t believe we’re  _finally_ going to be able to take a vacation together.”

“Me neither,” Tony agrees as he turns to leave. “But this will be good, I can feel it.”

The smile doesn’t leave Pepper’s face until long after Tony has waved goodbye and disappeared around a corner and out of sight. She has a good feeling about this vacation too. Maybe, with a bit of luck, this will be the break they’ve all been looking for.


	2. Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A warning to any ace and/or sex-repulsed readers, there's some fade-to-black mentions of sex and a fair amount of innuendo. Nothing that warrants a rating change, but it's more than what's found in some earlier fics in the series. Also there's some nightmares/flashbacks of Afghanistan and New York, and some discussion of Tony's alcoholism and sobriety.
> 
> There's two more full-length chapters after this one plus an epilogue which are all written but just need to be edited, and I'm going to try to post updates at least every other week. Things are a bit hectic for me at the moment, so I don't want to promise a more frequent posting schedule than that, but if something is ready to go sooner I'll get it up earlier for you guys!

“Why did I let you convince me this was a good idea,” Rhodey grumbles as he grabs his bag from the car. “It’s cold. I _hate_ being cold.”

“Quit your whining. You’re, like, twelve feet from the cabin and it’s warm in there,” Tony says as he grabs his own suitcase and closes the trunk. “And besides, you picked this place, after all.”

“As if Europe would’ve been any warmer,” Rhodey mutters. 

Tony laughs, unphased by his partner’s put-upon act of complaining, and takes a deep breath of the bitterly cold air. It stings his throat and lungs, so cold that for a split-second Tony feels like he can’t breathe at all, and it leaves a lingering ache in his chest around the arc reactor that he knows he’s going to regret later. But for now he relishes the smell of woodsmoke, the crispness of the snow that crunches as Rhodey makes his way towards the house, the warm touch of Pepper's gloved hand on his shoulder as she passes by. 

"You alright?" she asks

Tony thinks about it for a moment, and then shrugs. “Better than I thought I’d be,” he answers honestly. 

“Being here... I think it’ll help.”

For one thing, he made sure that the cabin was free of alcohol and there’s nothing around for miles, nowhere for him to buy more when the cravings come back. For another, there’s something remarkably freeing about knowing that, no matter how this Anniversary goes, he won’t have to worry about whether the Avengers will see him, or if the paparazzi will catch a bad photo and run with it, or anything else. For the first time he can just get through his day. No expectations, no masks, nothing to manage but his own emotions and memories. 

More than that, though, is the simple happiness at having this time alone with his partners, a rare occurrence for the three of them. Nearly two weeks with no work, no meetings, no interruptions-

“Hey! Are you two ever coming inside, or are you planning on freezing to death out there?” Rhodey calls out from the doorway of the cabin. 

“Maybe we’re trying to avoid your cranky ass!” Pepper shouts back, and Tony nearly doubles over in laughter. 

Yeah. The three of them definitely needed this. 

“You can do that inside!” Rhodey crosses his arms. "Tony, I swear you've added more rooms to this place since the last time I was here!"

"Same number of rooms, just added more beds," Tony replies as he and Pepper finally make their way towards the cabin. 

Rhodey gives Tony a skeptical look as he steps aside to let them in. "Really? Because it might've been a couple of years, but I remember what this place used to look like."

"You mean terrible?" Tony jokes.

The cabin had belonged to his parents and had originally been tastefully decorated for a certain not-so-recent decade, so Tony had eventually overhauled the whole thing. All the remaining vestiges of old-school New York wealth were removed and replaced with simple, comfortable furnishings. Well-worn armchairs sat in the living room, and Howard's old and barely-used office had been converted into a modest library, complete with a daybed by the wide, expansive windows. Sure, the place also got a complete technological upgrade- it's partially wired into JARVIS's network, for one thing- but above anything else Tony wanted this to be a place that was _comfortable_. 

Until recently, he had very few places like that in the world. 

“Well it’s certainly not as dated as it had been,” Rhodey agrees. "And hey, I guess when Pepper starts snoring I won't have to go far to find a new bed to crash in."

Pepper laughs. "Oh, you are the last person who should be complaining about snoring!"

"I don’t know how either of you are complaining about _snoring_ when you have to sleep with my permanent nightlight,” Tony says, a little ruefully, as he gently raps on the front of the arc reactor. 

“Are you kidding me? I love the arc reactor, it means I don’t trip over our clothes when I get up to pee in the middle of the night,” Pepper says without missing a beat, and Tony laughs. 

The teasing continues as the trio carries their luggage to the master bedroom, Tony taking care to leave the suitcase armor in an easily-accessible spot, and then make their way to the kitchen to contemplate lunch. The pantry is fully-stocked, thanks to JARVIS and the well-paid delivery company who had carted everything up here, with plenty of food to last not only the twelve days of their vacation but another week past that just in case. 

Pepper grabs plates as Rhodey pulls sandwich ingredients out of the fridge, working in perfect unison without having to say anything to each other. Tony, wisely, decides to stay out of their way and asks from the safety of the living room, “So, wanna watch a movie? We have access to JARVIS’s entire library up here.” 

“Lord of the Rings!” Pepper answers, in a tone that makes it less of a “suggestion” and more of a concrete plan of action.

Tony lets out a bark of laughter. He should’ve known that would be her request. “Which one?” he calls back. 

“Not Fellowship!” is the immediate response from Rhodey. 

Tony rolls his eyes, but before he can respond there's a sudden clatter from the kitchen, a muffled curse from Rhodey, and then Pepper comes flying into the living room, eyes wide with the sort of excited fervor that Tony hasn't seen on her face since... Well, since he can't even remember when.

"We can watch them all," Pepper breathes, like she almost can't believe it herself. "We have the time. There’s nothing else we have to do. _We can watch them all_."

Pepper's excitement is contagious. Tony grins at her, which is enough for her to immediately know that he's onboard with this plan. He almost expects her to start bouncing on the balls of her feet in anticipation. "Well, Rhodey? What d'you think?" Tony yells back into the kitchen.

Rhodey leans over and pokes his head out of the kitchen doorway. "Extended edition or theatrical?"

"Extended, of _course_ ," Pepper says, sounding affronted by the very question.

“Then sure. I’m in,” Rhodey says with a shrug. “If you don’t mind me taking a nap somewhere around the Council of Elrond.”

Tony and Pepper exchange a quick glance as Rhodey ducks back into the kitchen. “Fine, but I’m waking you up at The Last March of the Ents!” Pepper retorts as she follows him to finish making lunch- though not before giving Tony another pointed look.

They start the first movie as they settle down to eat, and by the time the hobbits and Aragorn reach Rivendell Rhodey is already starting to nod off. Tony shifts so Rhodey’s weight is against him instead of Pepper and Rhodey grumbles, and tries to move away. “Stop it. ‘m fine,” he mutters as Tony tries to subtly coax him into laying against him again. 

“Sure you are,” Tony agrees as he brings one hand up and cups it around Rhodey’s head, gently pushing so it’s resting on Tony’s shoulder again. “That’s why you’ve been yawning for the last hour.”

“Have- have not,” Rhodey says, though his argument is broken by a yawn in the middle. 

“Of course not,” Tony says, obviously placating him, and adds, “Just get some sleep, Rhodeybear. You’re exhausted.”

Rhodey grumbles again, even as he shifts to make himself more comfortable against Tony’s side. “Just wake me up later. Don’t wanna sleep all day.”

Tony carefully adjusts them both and wraps one arm gently around Rhodey’s shoulders. “Sure. We’ll wake you up before the best parts.”

“You better,” Rhodey says, voice is already slurring with sleep, and both Tony and Pepper practically hold their breath until there’s no question that Rhodey is down for the count. 

The marathon continues into the early hours of the morning (or, “Barely even late!” by Tony’s standards). Rhodey spends most of that time dozing, leaning against Tony until Tony can’t take the contact anymore and Pepper offers her services as a pillow instead. “Always knew you liked me more,” Rhodey mumbles as he settles himself back on the couch, this time with his head in Pepper’s lap.

“Nah, she just feels sorry for you,” Tony jokes, and laughs as Rhodey tries to ineffectively swat at him.

It’s comfortable, being here with his partners. The cabin is cozy, and Rhodey and Pepper are a familiar presence at Tony’s side. It doesn’t bother him when the two of them start lazily making out, and when he joins in there’s no pressure to do more than enjoy their presence and touch. There never is, not since the early days when they were still figuring out boundaries. 

When the last movie ends and things get a little more heated, the trio moves to the closest bedroom. The bed is smaller than they’re used to- but then again all the beds in the cabin are, even the one in the master bedroom. Tony didn’t have time to install a custom-sized bed like they have in the Tower penthouse, but it’s no hardship for them to make do with the smaller size and get creative.

XXXXX

_In Tony's dreams, the cave is boiling hot._

_That isn't to say that it was never cold. At night, when the sun went down, it was all they could do to stay warm, and when Tony was pulled from the water and thrown back in their cell he would shiver and shake for hours._

_But the heat- the heat is what sticks in Tony's mind. The heat of the makeshift forges, the heat of the coal held against Yinsen's mouth, the heat of the sun as Tony wandered the desert in hope of rescue._

_The heat of the infection that ravaged his body following Yinsen's life-saving surgery._

_The metal of the battery case burning his fingers when he held it too long._

_The white-hot rage in his chest as he looked out over a camp full of his weapons._

_In Tony's dreams, the cave is scorching. The furnaces burn, and burn, and burn. Molten metal sears his hands. The Mark 1 traps all the heat against his body, makes his skin blister inside the metal coffin even before he fires the flamethrowers, and the arc reactor shines brighter and brighter, light turning into heat and burning Tony from the center of his chest out._

Tony wakes suddenly, heart pounding in his chest and a shout dying on his lips. He’s alone, and he doesn’t recognize his surroundings. It takes longer than Tony wants to admit for him to remember that he’s in the cabin, that he’s alone because he didn’t join Rhodey and Pepper last night- or any night after the first one, for that matter. 

Eventually, he picks up on the soft sounds of his partners in another room. Tony listens to the two of them talk, focuses on their quiet murmurs until his heart rate calms down and he feels safe enough to open his eyes and stand up. It's easy enough to follow the sounds into the kitchen, where Pepper and Rhodey are making breakfast.

Rhodey notices him first, catching sight of him out of the corner of his eye as he turns towards the fridge. "Tones? Thought you were still slee- _oof_!"

Tony falls into Rhodey, knowing that Rhodey will catch him, knowing that Rhodey will always catch him, has always caught him. He needs to feel Rhodey's arms around him, to remind him that he's made it out of the desert and found his salvation. Tony is shaking, he knows he is, and he knows the exact moment that Rhodey realizes that too because his grip tightens just fractionally, before he relaxes again.

“Everything okay?” Rhodey asks, his voice a low murmur in Tony’s ear. 

Rhodey is warm, not overpowering like the heat of his nightmares, but familiar, comforting, a reminder that Tony made it through to the other side and is still here. “I demand coffee,” he mumbles as an answer, the words partially muffled against Rhodey’s chest, and he feels Rhodey’s laughter rumble through his entire body. 

“It’s almost done,” Pepper says. She squeezes Tony’s shoulder as she passes by, just once, just enough to let him know that she’s there for him too. Tony is always grateful that she understands why he goes to Rhodey in moments like these, and that she doesn’t resent him for it. Tony cares about both his partners but Rhodey has been his rock since the moment they met, when no one else was there. It’s hard, sometimes, to convince his panic-stricken brain that other people, even Pepper, can help him as well. 

“You didn’t come to bed last night,” Rhodey says as Pepper takes down three coffee mugs from the cupboard and pulls out the creamer and sugar. 

Tony hums, and burrows closer to Rhodey. “I was working on a project. Didn’t mean to fall asleep on the couch.”

“I thought we said no projects during the vacation.”

“Personal project,” Tony says. “Not for work. I’ll show you later, I want your opinion on some things.”

Rhodey chuckles. “Alright. I’ll take a look.”

“After breakfast,” Pepper adds, and nudges Tony’s shoulder with a coffee cup. Tony makes a low, pleased noise and takes it from her. 

“Of course after breakfast,” Rhodey says, with a fond roll of his eyes. He looks better than he did when they first arrived, more well-rested and at ease. 

Tony wish he could say the same of himself, but he feels himself getting tenser with each passing day. He takes a sip of his coffee, lets the taste linger on his tongue, and tells himself that he doesn’t wish there was liquor in it. 

XXXXX

It takes Tony roughly three days to become completely bored.

No, not bored. Not quite. Tony doesn’t _do_ bored. Even during the most tedious debriefs or pointless meetings Tony is perfectly capable of designing new tech in his mind, keeping his brain occupied while his body goes through the rote motions of his day-to-day responsibilities.

So Tony isn’t _bored_. He’s… _distracted_. Preoccupied with thoughts and memories- more like _flashbacks_ , really- that he doesn’t want to be dealing with. Eight years since Afghanistan, six of those in a healthy relationship, and Tony still only has one way to deal with that- isolation, and alcohol. 

A _lot_ of alcohol.

That’s supposed to be the point of this getaway- part vacation, part desperate attempt for Tony to prove to himself that he’s capable of developing healthier coping mechanisms. So far, he’s not sure he’s been very successful. So far, he’s only been sleepless from nightmares and restless for a drink.

“Tony, sit down,” Pepper says. She’s on the couch with Rhodey, where the two of them can usually be found while Tony flits from room to room, full of an anxious energy that he can’t seem to shake.

“I’m-”

“If you say you’re _fine_ I’m going to throw something at you,” Pepper interrupts. “Sit down. _Please_.”

Tony doesn’t know if he _can_ sit down, if he’s capable of stopping his unconscious, nervous movements around the room, but he doesn’t know how to explain that to Pepper and he doesn’t want to fight with her. He sighs and turns around- and for a moment he sees a glimpse of something in her eyes. Something he doesn’t usually get a chance to see, not with the alcohol and the isolation. Something that, for the smallest of moments, reminds him that he’s not the only one dealing with trauma from what happened eight years ago. 

Then Pepper holds out a hand to Tony and smiles, and the darkness behind her eyes disappears. “Come over here,” Pepper says, and Tony goes. He moves to sit next to her, but Pepper stops him with a gesture and instead motions for him to lie down. “Put your head in my lap.”

"Getting kinky now, are we?" Tony jokes, with an exaggerated waggle of eyebrows for good measure. 

Pepper swats at his shoulder as Tony shifts to lie down. "Not like that. Lie down on your back. I'm going to give you a shoulder massage, you're way too tense right now."

"Am not."

"Yes, you are," Pepper says. "You always carry your tension in your shoulders and right now they’re almost at your ears. You're too wound up. Just let me help you."

Part of Tony wants to keep being contrary- wants to snap back that he's not tense, his shoulders are fine, he doesn't need her help- but he knows that Pepper is right. He can feel the tell-tale ache starting to grow across his shoulder blades and down his chest around the arc reactor, and he knows it will only get worse from here.

Rhodey maneuvers Tony's legs so they're lying across his thighs and starts rubbing at the soles of his feet as Pepper starts massaging his shoulders. It does feel good, Tony can't deny that, but having both of his partners so focused on him like this also makes him uncomfortable and it isn't long before he starts shifting, twitching every time they touch him. "Too much?" Rhodey asks as he pauses for a moment.

"Maybe?" Tony says. Rhodey gives him a look and Tony sighs. "Fine, yeah, it's a bit much. Can you...?"

"I'll stop," Rhodey says, without a hint of resentment in his words. Tony is grateful, as always, that his partner understands Tony's limits, even if he sometimes still has trouble articulating them aloud. "Are you okay with your legs here if I'm not touching you, or do you want me to move?"

"Stay," Tony says immediately, because he'll never admit it aloud but having Pepper and Rhodey close like this helps keep him grounded. It's the fine balancing act that Tony has to walk everyday in this relationship, and one that he's not quite sure he's yet mastered. Finding the line between accepting enough comfort from his partners, and not forcing himself into a position where his romance-repulsion rears up in a bad way, is more difficult than Tony had been expecting when the three of them first started things all those years ago.

"Okay," Rhodey says, and he settles back down beneath Tony's legs. 

Pepper continues her massage, kneading out the tension and knots in Tony's shoulders, and slowly he feels himself start to relax. "Roll over, I want to get at your shoulder blades better," she says after about ten minutes. "And don't even think about making any sort of comment."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Tony says as he complies with Pepper's order. "Though I will say, if you do a good enough job this will put me in the right position to “thank” you-"

"Tony!" Pepper says, though she's laughing nonetheless.

"What? Look, isn't this vacation about relaxing?" Tony points out. "I can't think of anything more relaxing than a few good orgasms, so I don't see why we can't-"

Pepper pushes his head down so it's resting on his folded arms and starts massaging his upper back. "Sex _later_ , Tony. Massages _now_."

"I'm holding you to that," Tony says, voice slightly muffled from his new position. "The sex later bit, I mean."

Rhodey chuckles. "Yeah, it's not like you're gonna have to twist our arms there."

Tony snorts in amusement but doesn't reply. It is relaxing, having Pepper work at his shoulder like this, and he can feel the knots slowly being undone, feel the tension leave his body as Pepper works her magic. She runs her hands over his back a few times- light pressure now, more about the contact than the force behind it- and Tony sinks down lower, going boneless with contentment. When Pepper brings one hand up to run it through Tony's hair, scratching lightly at his scalp, he almost moans with how good it feels. 

"I don't know why you let yourself get to this point. No one would guess you had two partners with how touch-starved you are half the time," Pepper says quietly.

Tony knows the words aren't malicious and, besides, he's too relaxed now to get riled up about them even if they were. "'s not my fault," he mumbles. "It's the..." He lifts one hand and waves it in a vague gesture, rather than admitting aloud that it’s because of his romance-repulsion playing into his deep-seated fear of being too vulnerable, childhood trauma and basic identity feeding into each other in ways that he doesn't like to look too closely at.

"I know, Tony," Pepper says in the same even voice, no trace of pity to her words, though Rhodey does squeeze briefly squeeze Tony's ankle in what he knows is supposed to be a comforting gesture, and then leaves his hand resting there. It doesn't bother Tony like the touching did earlier, so he doesn't say anything. 

Tony expects the pit of discomfort to return to his stomach, for his anxiety to start climbing again now that the conversation has veered dangerously close to feelings-territory. But he finds, much to his surprise, that that isn't the case. He still feels warm and relaxed, content in a way that he has never associated with the lead-up to The Anniversary, and he finds his eyes drifting close of their own accord. He struggles to keep them open, blinking blearily against how _heavy_ his eyelids feel. 

"Go to sleep, Tony," Pepper says, still carding her fingers through his hair.

"Not tired," Tony responds, and the sleepy slur to his words betrays the lie. He doesn't know how to explain that he's afraid to sleep, afraid of the nightmares that will come, without sounding ridiculously childish. He knows that Pepper and Rhodey would never judge him for the trauma he still carries from Afghanistan- least of all Rhodey, who has seen far too much PTSD during his years in the service to ever judge anyone for their reactions to things. Still, the Stark pride doesn't take beatings well and Tony still finds himself wishing that he was stronger, was able to get over this and handle things better than he can. 

"Look, man, you're beat- and don't even think of lying, I know you barely slept at all last night, and you're half asleep already," Rhodey says, ignoring Tony's mumbles complaint. "Just get some shut-eye. Pepper and I will stay here."

Tony grumbles wordlessly at that, and thinks he should at least make some token effort of getting to a bed instead of lying on top of his partners- but he _is_ tired, and it's comfortable lying here, and the most he can muster is a sleepy, "When I wake up you two owe me _all_ the sex."

XXXXX

 _The suit is heavy, weighing down Tony's limbs, making every step a monumental effort. The suit is heavy, and the cave is dark, and the sound of gunshots rattle against the inside of the helmet. Gunshots, and the sound of screaming- screaming, screaming,_ screaming-

_"Yinsen!" he yells, or thinks he yells, but for all that the shout deafens Tony he can't tell if anyone outside the suit can hear him. "Yinsen!"_

_Something grabs the suit, pulls Tony around even though that shouldn't be possible, not with how heavy the suit is- god, it's so_ heavy-

 _Yinsen is there, staring at Tony, blood dripping from his face, his eyes dark and mouth twisted with the decay of death. "You can't save me, Stark," he says in a low rattle of a voice. "You can't save yourself, and you can't save me. You can't save_ anyone _."_

_There are hands grabbing the suit, pulling Tony down, down, pinning him against the floor, the weight of bodies and the weight of the suit holding him in place even as he screams at Yinsen for help, screams that he's sorry, screams that he tried, god, he tried-_

"Tony."

 _Pepper's voice. Why is Pepper here? Tony tries to call out to her but he can't breathe, he can't breathe, he's drowning and he can't breathe. There's water on his face again, water in his throat in his nose in his eyes and he_ can't breathe-

"Tony, wake up."

_Tony opens his eyes and the void of space stares back at him- a void filled with alien ships, thousands upon thousands, all intent on destroying Earth and Tony can't stop them, no one can stop them, he failed Yinsen and he failed Earth and he failed Pepper and Rhodey and the Avengers and he can't breathe, no oxygen left in his suit, life support failing, systems shutting down as he starts to fall-_

"Tony!"

Tony hits the ground hard enough to knock the air out of him and he panics, drawing in huge, gasping breaths, clawing at his face to try to remove whatever is blocking his airways- the helmet, or the wet cloth, or-

"There's nothing there, Tones," a gentle voice says and even through the cloud of panic Tony knows who is speaking. 

"Rhodey," he gasps, and reaches out towards him. Rhodey is here, Rhodey didn't give up on him, Rhodey saved him-

"You saved yourself," Rhodey says. "That was years ago, Tony. You're out of the desert. _You saved yourself_ and you're okay. It was just a dream, okay?" Warm, strong arms wrap around Tony and Rhodey cups the back of Tony's head, cradling it against his chest. "Match your breathing with mine. Come on breathe in.... and out...."

The first few breaths Tony takes are still desperate, gasping attempts at getting enough air in his lungs, lungs which are aching around the arc reactor sitting heavy in his chest, but slowly his breathing evens out and the ringing in his ears stops and when he finally lifts his head up from Rhodey's chest and looks around the room, he remembers where he is. 

Pepper is still sitting behind them on the couch- Tony must have fallen off, despite his partners' efforts to wake him up more gently. She looks worried and Tony offers her a weak smile, "Hey. Sorry about that."

"You don't have to apologize," Pepper and Rhodey say at the same time and Tony lets out a bark of laughter that surprises all of them. Pepper looks torn between laughing herself and continuing to look worried, and in the end she settles for biting her bottom lip and asking, "Are you... okay?"

Tony’s gut reaction is to answer no, because how the hell can he be okay after that? The grief he still feels for Yinsen and the heavy weight of the guilt that Tony still carries after all these years threatens to consume him- but only for a moment. Tony takes another deep breath and he can feel his heart rate slowing back down, and even though his chest still hurts that’s beginning to fade too.

It’s not as bad as it could be, and Tony isn’t quite sure what to do with that realization.

"I- I think I might be," Tony says at last. He takes a deep breath, and this time the ache in his lungs is a good one, a welcome reminder that he's alive and safe, not trapped in the Mark 1 as the cave burns around him or flying into the void of space. 

Rhodey squeezes his shoulder and stands up, offering a hand down to Tony and pulling him back to his feet as well. "Do you want anything? Glass of water, maybe?"

“Yes. Water, please.”

"On it," Rhodey says as he makes his way into the kitchen. 

Tony settles down against Pepper on the couch. She wraps one arm around his shoulders, and Tony is thankful that his brain seems willing to tolerant the contact right now because, god, he needs this. "Are you really okay?" she asks him softly and Tony can't fault her for worrying, even if he doesn't really want to be talking about this anymore. 

"I'm fine, Pep," Tony says. "Just a nightmare, and-" to hell with it, if he can't be honest with Pepper of all people then what is he even doing here? "-it helps, waking up to have you and Rhodey here with me."

Pepper smiles at him, but despite the effort the smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm sorry we weren't there for you more, in the past."

Tony shakes his head. "No, don’t be. You couldn't be there for me if I didn't let you in, and we both know that before this year I wasn’t exactly reaching out for support."

"What changed this year, then?" Pepper asks. "I mean, don't get me wrong, the vacation is great, but when you showed up in my office that was a bit..."

"Surprising?"

Pepper shakes her head. "No, no, I mean it didn't take me long to figure out what you were there about. But..." Pepper frowns, and Tony stays quiet as she gathers her thoughts. "Well, it's a good idea, us taking a vacation like this, and you don't usually have a lot of those."

"Excuse you, I have plenty of good ideas!" Tony protests.

"Not when it comes to things like this. Not when it comes to, well, this time of year," Pepper replies.

Tony has to hold back a wince at that particular phrasing, because "this time of year" includes not only The Anniversary but also Pepper's birthday. He always spends the day with her- he knows how important it is that he's there, so Pepper doesn’t handle her own demons alone- but beyond that his efforts have always been minimal, to say the least. Too hungover (or, in some of the worst years, still drunk) and too self-absorbed to really be there for Pepper, or Rhodey, like he should have been.

And that’s exactly what he’s trying to change here. 

"I think, after what happened last May when you started dating Holly, I realized that I needed to let go of some of the things I was still holding onto," Tony says slowly, choosing each word with care. "The fear that you and Rhodey would leave me, for one, but also... Things like this. The drinking, and the way I would always isolate myself. I thought if I could keep you two from seeing the worst of it that that would be enough. It didn't even occur to me that maybe if I stopped pushing you two away and let you help that the worst might not happen anymore."

"And is that what's happening here then?" Pepper asks.

Tony can only shrug. "It's still hard, it's still..." He waves a hand, hoping to convey through gesture what he doesn't quite have the words for. "But having you and Rhodey here after that nightmare? That was good, that was- that was really, really good."

Pepper smiles at him, more genuine this time, and when Tony smiles in return it doesn’t hurt as much as he was expecting it to. Having his partners around doesn't solve all of his problems, but some of the restless energy from before is gone, and he still hasn't had a drink, and Tony thinks that, all things considered, he might be doing pretty okay right now.


	3. Unedited Rest of Fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize for leaving this hanging for so long, when I had hoped to finish editing and posting the rest of this story several months ago. 
> 
> The truth of the matter is, I've sort of fallen out of the Marvel fandom at the moment. While this series still means a lot to me I haven't had as much motivation for working on it as I once had. I had finished the first draft of this story already, but I've been struggling to force myself to edit it and finally have to admit that that isn't going to happen for some time. 
> 
> I didn't want to leave this unfinished, so I'm posting the rest of the story even though it's in slightly rough shape and completely unedited. If some parts seem disjointed it's because I had gone through and made rough cuts to sections, and hadn't gotten around to the rewriting required to bring everything back together. 
> 
> I'm also posting the prologue to what would have been the next fic as a separate chapter, so just I'm not leaving you guys with a terrible cliffhanger. 
> 
> My goal is to one day return to this series, starting with editing the remainder of this story and moving onto to writing the others that I had already planned out. But when that will happen I genuinely have no idea. In the meantime, thank you all for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. Your support of this series has made me so happy, and I can only hope that you'll still be able to enjoy this "draft" version of the conclusion to this story.

**Chapter Two**

Tony sighs and finally has to admit that he’s not getting any sleep tonight. It’s been hours since he came to bed and he’s only managed a quick cat-nap that was almost immediately interrupted by yet another nightmare. Next to him Pepper and Rhodey are fast asleep, curled up around each other because Tony had asked for space, and they had given it to him without complaint. Maybe the relative closeness of his partners had kept his nightmare from being worse than it could have been, but their presence is doing nothing to help Tony calm down enough to _sleep_ and with another sigh he slips from the bed and leaves them to their peaceful slumber. 

It's late enough at night that it's technically early morning, the perfect time for drinking except the cabin is dry and Tony is supposed to be sober right now- but he knows how laughably easy it would be to grab the suitcase armor and take off for New York, where he can get a drink at any hour of the day with no questions asked. Tony doesn't want to do that- but, god, doesn't he though? He doesn't want to be drinking except in the way that every part of him wants to be _drunk,_ the way that every part of him needs alcohol in his system, a physical ache that once recognized he doesn't know how he's supposed to ignore. 

He could wake up Pepper or Rhodey and they would distract him, he knows that, but he's too tense and wound-up to do that. His earlier restlessness is back and it’s feeding into his romance-repulsion, which bleeds into all of his other fucked-up issues and makes his skin crawl with the thought of going to his partners for help.

God, he needs to go back to therapy. 

Knowing that he isn't likely to get any sleep that night, Tony settles himself on the day bed in the library, conveniently one room over from the master bedroom. He makes sure that he has both the novel he's been trying to read and his tablet full of personal engineering projects close at hand; he's not sure that either option is going to help right now, but he grabs the tablet first and settles in to keep working on his latest armor design. 

Pepper usually tries to argue that armor designs fall under the purview of "work projects" but Tony disagrees. The armor isn't his _job,_ not like Stark Industries designs are. Sure, without it he can't exactly do much of anything with the Avengers... but it _is_ different. This armor in particular is especially different, because this armor isn't for Tony at all. Or for Rhodey, or for any of the Avengers. 

This armor is for _Pepper_.

Tony isn't expecting to be able to lose himself in this project, not like he usually would, not when he can feel himself practically vibrating with tension and the need for a drink. But engineering has always been an escape for him, and he loses track of time as he works. One moment it’s late and the cabin is silent around him. The next moment, there’s sunlight starting to filter in through the windows and some noise catches his attention, drawing him out of the project and back to the present.

"Oh-hh, fuck, yeah, just like that- oh, god-"

It takes Tony’s sleep-deprived brain a moment to process what he’s hearing, but once he realizes what’s going on (or _getting on_ , as the case may be) he has to clamp a hand over his mouth to smother his laughter before his partners can hear it through the obviously too-thin walls.

Tony listens to them for a moment, amused at having "caught" Pepper and Rhodey in the act when it's clear that at least one of them is trying to keep it down. Part of him is tempted to walk next door and interrupt (by which he means _join_ ), but Tony isn't sure he's in the mood to get hot and heavy this morning, no matter how much fun it sounds like his partners are having at the moment. 

In the end, Tony decides that he's had enough of being an accidental voyeur and makes his way away from the bedroom and into the kitchen. Maybe this time he can be the one surprising his partners with breakfast, instead of the other way around.

Coffee is easy, and Tony gets a pot started first because god knows he's going to need the caffeine to function today. Then he considers food options. His cooking skills, while limited, aren't completely hopeless- but he also doesn't think Pepper would appreciate him trying to make her another omelette, so he bypasses the eggs and grabs some of the fresh fruit, figuring that he'll start cutting that up while contemplating whether or not to attempt pancakes.

Tony loses track of time a little bit, lost in his thoughts about breakfast and tomorrow's Anniversary and his plans to keep himself distracted today, and he's startled when Rhodey suddenly says, "Mm, something smells good in here."

"Jesus fucking christ, Rhodey, give me a little warning next time instead of sneaking up on me!" Tony asks, brandishing the spatula he had been using to cook bacon menacingly in Rhodey's direction. 

Rhodey chuckles. "Sorry, Tones. Wasn't expecting you to be up already, though."

"Yeah, well, _someone_ woke me up at practically the crack of dawn this morning," Tony replies, giving Rhodey a rather pointed look.

"Oops," Rhodey says, though he doesn’t look wholly apologetic. "Sorry about that. You could have joined us, you know."

"I know. I didn't feel like it though," Tony says as he turns back to the stove.

"Fair enough," Rhodey says. "Did you manage to get any sleep at all last night?"

Tony shrugs. "Some. Not a whole lot while I was with you two, but I think I passed out for a few hours once I hit the library." Rhodey gives him a worried look and Tony tries for a reassuring smile. "It's fine, I promise. Where's Pepper, by the way? Is she getting up too, or did she decide to just go back to sleep?"

"I'm right here," Pepper says as she walks into the kitchen. She's obviously made a small attempt at looking presentable, unlike Rhodey who's wearing a pair of ratty sweatpants and nothing else.

"Oh damn, and here I was hoping Rhodey had worn you out," Tony jokes, and laughs as he dodges a swat from Pepper.

"If anything, I think it was the other way around," Rhodey says dryly and Tony politely doesn't look as Pepper, laughing, leans up to press a kiss on Rhodey's cheek.

"I hope fruit and bacon and toast are fine for breakfast," Tony says, trying not to make it completely obvious that he's looking to distract his partners before they get a bit too amorous in the kitchen.

"Coffee?" Rhodey asks.

Tony nods towards the counter. "Already made a pot, and it's still hot. Help yourself."

"What, you mean you aren't going to get coffee for us? Wait on us hand and foot?" Rhodey jokes.

"Watch it, mister, I'm the one standing between you and breakfast," Tony says.

Pepper, ignoring both of them, grabs two mugs from the cupboard and pours a cup of coffee for herself and one for Rhodey. "Tony, you want any more?" she asks, brandishing the now almost-empty carafe in his direction.

"Sure, thanks," Tony says, nodding to where his mug is sitting on the counter. Pepper stretches, trying to pour coffee into the mug without actually moving. It mostly works, but some splashes over the side, dangerously close to where Tony's tablet is sitting. "Hey, hey, watch the tech!"

Rhodey grabs the tablet, pulling it out of harm's way. "Stopping fussing, it's fine," he says. He taps on the screen, waking the tablet back up, and Tony can pinpoint the moment when Rhodey realizes what exactly he's looking at. "Uh, Tony? Is this the project you wanted me to look at?"

"Sure is," Tony says, purposefully keeping his tone light. "What do you think of it?"

Rhodey looks at Tony, glances at Pepper, and looks back at Tony with a question in his eyes. The question is probably something along the lines of, _Are you seriously making an armor for_ Pepper _of all people have you lost your mind?_ And Tony just nods in response.

"Well," Rhodey says, turning the tablet off and setting it out of Pepper's reach without broadcasting that he's trying to keep her from looking at it. "I can see why you wanted me to take a look."

Tony grins at him. "I've hit a few snags with it. Wanna trade ideas after breakfast?"

Rhodey look at Pepper again, and this time she catches his glance- and beautifully misunderstands what's going on at the moment. "You two go ahead and talk shop. I might take a walk, I swear I'm starting to go stir-crazy being cooped up in here!"

"You're crazy for going outside, do you know how cold it is out there?" Tony says, and gratefully lets the conversation devolve into an argument about weather and the great outdoors, instead of focusing on Tony's project. 

True to her word Pepper does leave the cabin after breakfast, bundled up in enough outwear to keep the worst of the wind from being quite so biting, and the door barely closes behind her before Rhodey turns on Tony and says, "She's crazy? _You're_ crazy, for thinking Pepper will ever wear that armor!"

"Rhodey, it's a good idea!" Tony protests. "What if someone goes after her because she's CEO of Stark Industries? Or because they're trying to hurt me? Or what if the Tower is attacked and her and the rest of SI are just collateral damage in an attempt to get to the Avengers? She doesn't live a safe life and we can't always be there to protect her."

"She has bodyguards-"

"I had bodyguards too, in Afghanistan," Tony snaps, and Rhodey's face immediate goes tight and closed-off. Tony sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "That wasn't a dig at you, Rhodeybear. I'm just saying that we can't guarantee her safety 100% of the time. No one can. But if she had her own armor..."

"She's never going to accept it, Tony," Rhodey says. "She is _never_ going to let you hand her a weaponized-"

"It’s not weaponized."

Rhodey stops and blinks at him in surprise. "What?"

"There aren’t any weapons," Tony says. "Defensive options only. Energy shields mostly, though there are sonic disrupters that technically could be weaponized if she needed to. But no guns, no lasers, no targeting systems. Hell, the repulsors don't even get hot enough to be used as a weapon. I know Pepper doesn't want anything that comes along with the Iron Man or War Machine armors, but this can keep her _safe_ , Rhodey. That's all it has to do, is keep Pepper safe."

Rhodey takes a deep breath and Tony braces himself for another list of reasons why this is a terrible idea. He's surprised when instead Rhodey says, "Okay. I'm still not convinced that Pepper will ever agree to use this... but maybe it's not a completely terrible idea. Walk me through what you have so far."

Tony grins and turns on the tablet, and with a few adjustments of the settings he pulls up the schematics as a small holographic projection. "Here's where I am. I need to get a slightly more accurate scan of her measurements once we're back in the Tower, but I'm thinking if the power conduits run like this it won't add too much weight and can compress into a smaller, more discrete, case than my suitcase armor..."

Rhodey and Tony play around with the schematics until Pepper gets back, and it's possibly the best distraction Tony could have asked for. He lets himself be talked into helping Pepper make grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, and he laughs as he burns it and Pepper makes him remake it. Rhodey convinces Pepper to watch a few episodes of Star Trek, and ignores the pointed look Tony gives him when he tells Tony to pick the episodes. He knows that they're trying to distract him and... well, it works. Or maybe he's just letting it work, letting himself believe that this is a normal day and a normal vacation, because whenever his brain calculates how many hours it is until the exact moment when things went to shit eight years ago his heart starts to race and his vision goes blurry around the edges and he wants a drink so badly he could _scream_.

The rest of the day passes like that, long stretches of time where Tony is mostly fine interspersed with moments where he definitely, emphatically is _not_. He can't even tell anymore if he's really upset about the Anniversary or just on edge because he thinks he's supposed to be. All he wants to do is go back to the Tower and hide in his workshop and drink because he doesn't know what else he's supposed to do.

By the time they’ve eaten dinner and the sun has set Tony has started his pacing again. He knows that he’s worrying Pepper and Rhodey but this is why he’s never let them see him on the Anniversary or the days leading up to it before- but he’s also supposed to be doing better this year, which is why he’s here with them and not isolating himself back in New York and drinking. He should let them help but he has no idea how to do that, no idea what to ask for, no idea-

“Tony, it’s late,” Rhodey says, gently pulling Tony out of his spiral of self-destructive thoughts, “and Pepper and I are going to bed. Come with us.”

Tony shakes his head. “I’m not tired. I’ll join you later.”

“Yeah, except every night you’ve said that since we’ve gotten here you _haven’t_ joined us later,” Rhodey says. “So come with us _now_. Please.”

“Rhodey-”

“Don’t _Rhodey_ me-”

“Tony, please,” Pepper cuts in before Tony can respond. “I can’t- _we_ can’t wake up tomorrow, of all days, and not have you there.” She holds out a hand to him. “Come to bed with us. _Please_.”

Tony exhales, and it shudders through his whole body. “I might not sleep at all, and if I do there’s probably going to be another nightmare-”

“I don’t care,” Pepper interrupts. “I don’t give a shit if you keep me up the entire night, I just need you there.”

Tony can feel his heart pounding his chest, making his ribs ache around the arc reactor with every beat, echoing up in his ears and drowning out anything else that Pepper might have said. His vision goes white and hazy around the edges and he doesn’t realize that he’s gasping for breath until Rhodey is suddenly there, supporting his weight as Tony’s legs give out.

Rhodey is there, and Pepper too, both of them cocooning him in their arms, grounding him with their presence as Tony shakes and shakes. “Breathe, Tony, you’ve gotta breathe,” Rhodey murmurs, and Pepper gently guides Tony’s head to lean against her chest as she breathes slowly and deeply, encouraging him to sync his breaths to hers. It takes far too long for Tony to calm down, for the spots to disappear from his vision and his heart to stop racing. “You okay?” Rhodey asks when the worst of it is over and Tony, not sure if he can talk, just nods and keeps his face hidden against Pepper’s chest. Tony hates panic attacks. Hates how they feel in the moment, and hates how exhausted and vulnerable he feels after… but having Rhodey and Pepper help him through it is better than facing it alone.

Maybe getting through the night would be the same.

It takes Tony a few attempts before he’s able to speak, but he finally manages to get out, “Bed?”

Because Pepper and Rhodey keep seeing him like this, despite his best efforts to keep the worst parts of himself away from them. Because this week was supposed to be about opening himself up, letting him in and so far he hasn’t been great at that. Because… because he needs this, needs _them_ \- Tony doesn’t really want to wake up alone in the morning any more than they do, no matter what bullshit he internalized from his dad about Stark men and iron. 

Pepper smiles and nods, and Rhodey just says, “Sounds good to me. You want tea or something? You’re not getting coffee, not this late.” and Tony has never been more grateful that his partners aren't ones for “I told you so" or snarky remarks in moments like this. Tony doesn't think he could handle that right now, even if his own go-to response is frequently along those lines. Maybe that's something else he should consider changing going forward. "Tea. Yes." If Bruce was making it Tony might make a quip about him slipping sleeping pills in it, but Tony knows Rhodey wouldn't do that even for Tony's own good. In fact, Rhodey nods with such sincere seriousness that Tony doesn't really feel like making a joke at his expense at all. So Tony lets Pepper gently herd him towards the bedroom while Rhodey makes tea, and even if he grumbles a little that he’s perfectly capable of undressing himself thank you so much Ms. Potts he doesn't protest when Pepper nudges him to take the middle of the bed. It's not Tony's usual place to sleep when the three of them are together- he prefers one of the sides so he can make an easy escape if he has to- but maybe being directly between his partners is what he needs tonight. Or maybe, more importantly, it's what they need. 

Pepper slides into bed next to him, though she doesn't move too close until Tony reaches for her. She's always mindful of his romance-repulsion, her and Rhodey both, rarely asking for more than Tony can give at any particular moment and always backing down if Tony needs them too. Tony thinks about Yinsen, about "So you're a man who has everything, and nothing," and he wonders what Yinsen would think of him now. 

Rhodey returns shortly with a steaming mug of tea, which he carefully passes over to Tony. It takes Tony a moment to realize that his hands are still shaking, and he tightens his grip on the mug, letting the warmth of the ceramic and the press of his partners on either side of him ground him as he wills himself to relax. He's thankful that neither Pepper nor Rhodey comment on his shaking, even though he catches the moment when Rhodey's sharp eyes spot it- but all Rhodey does is lean a little closer to Tony, offering what support he can, and that's more than enough. 

Neither of his partners rush Tony to finish, and maybe it should be awkward, sitting in bed drinking tea in silence, but somehow it isn't. When Tony is finally done drinking, Pepper plucks the mug from his hands and sets it on the nightstand next to her. Almost in unison Pepper and Rhodey move, shuffling Tony so he's lying down and then following suit themselves, bracketing him so there's no hope of him running away in the middle of the night.

"This is ridiculous," Tony murmurs as Pepper and Rhodey press close to him, Rhodey at his back and Pepper in front, at the perfect position for Tony to tuck his head into the crook of her neck if he wants. "What if I have to pee at 3am? I'll wake both of you up."

Rhodey snorts in dry amusement. "As if we're gonna be sleeping tonight anyway."

Something twists uncomfortably in Tony's stomach at that. He hates the reminder that his partners are still affected by the Anniversary too, because he deeply suspects that their lingering trauma is largely due to his own inability to move past what happened to him in Afghanistan. If he had developed healthier coping mechanisms before, or if he had spent the previous years seeking out their company instead of pushing them away out of some misguided belief that he had to do this on his own, maybe...

"Stop that. I can hear you thinking from over here," Pepper says, her voice cutting into Tony's thoughts. 

"You guys shouldn't-" Tony begins, but he's not sure how to end that sentence. Shouldn't be lying here with him, all three of them awake and unable to fall asleep just because of Tony's issues? Shouldn't be with him during the Anniversary? Shouldn't be with him, at all? 

He knows that last one isn't true, but the rest...

Tony shakes his head and presses closer to Pepper, as if physical actions can keep that slippery-slope of thoughts at bay. Rhodey moves with him, still staying just as a close as before, still providing a physical reminder that he's here, that they're all here, and they're all safe. But Tony's thoughts don't stop and his mind keeps working overtime, causing his heart to pound in his chest and his body to shake with fine tremors that he has no hope of stopping, no matter what he does. He wants this to stop, he wants this day to be over, he wants-

"I want a _drink_ ," he whispers to the darkness of the room.

He expects Pepper and Rhodey to react, to recoil, but instead he feels Rhodey press a soft kiss to the back of his neck and he hears Pepper whisper, "I know. I'm sorry," and he doesn't know what the hell he's done in his life to deserve this sort of kindness, when eight years ago he was still half-drunk as he gave a demonstration of monstrously powerful weapons to military officers in a country that had already seen too much war. 

Tony shudders, and wills himself to stay in bed and accept the comfort of his partners instead of running away to barricade himself in the nearest room with an interior-locking door. He knows, deep down, that a large part of why he can't move past this day is because he hasn't forgiven himself for the sins of his past- for the weapons, for the soldiers who died in the assault on the convoy, for Yinsen and for everyone else. How can he forgive himself, when he's alive and so many others aren't because of his damned weapons? How can he let go of what happened to him during those three months in that cave, when what happened to him shaped the foundation for the person he is today?

Pepper and Rhodey and all the Avengers back in the Tower- they would all tell him that that's bullshit, but is it though? The man who flew out of that cave wasn't the same one who got dragged in, and for all that he may be a futurist Tony doesn't know how to move past this one day, this one day that change everything for him. 

"I need to see a therapist again, don't I?" Tony muses aloud. He can't stop himself from grinning when he hears Pepper's giggle that she immediately tries to hide by burying her face against Tony's side. 

"What you need is to _sleep_ ," Rhodey says at Tony's back. "Everything else you can worry about later." There's a pause, and then he adds, "But yeah, therapy wouldn't be a bad idea for you."

XXXXX

_"Don't waste your life, Stark."_

_Tony knows this nightmare and he doesn't want to turn around, doesn't want to see Yinsen bleeding out on the floor of the cave, doesn't want to feel the weight of the Mark 1 armor pulling at his bones. But Tony knows this dream and he knows he has no choice, even as he struggles to stop himself from turning towards the sound of Yinsen's voice, even though he knows that resisting is useless._

_Tony knows this nightmare, but he doesn't know it like this- because he turns, yes, as if forced by some invisible hand... but for the first time, the Mark 1 fades away, the cave fades away, and when he meets Yinsen's eyes they are bright and_ alive _and he's smiling at Tony, no blood staining his shirt, no grief lining his features. The room they're now in is familiar, bustling with people celebrating... something, Tony doesn't know and doesn't even think to find out._

_"Yinsen," Tony says, and Yinsen smiles at him._

_"What did I tell you, Stark? Don't waste your life." Yinsen studies him and Tony feels the urge to flinch away from his gaze. "You haven't listened to me."_

_Tony shakes his head. "No, no I have, I've- Do you know what I've managed to do, since Afghanistan? The armor and the Avengers and- and Pepper and Rhodey, I have a_ family _now Yinsen-"_

_"Then why are you still here?" Yinsen asks, and in the blink of an eye they're back in the cave, back in that damned cave, and Tony's back aches with the weight of the armor and his vision is blurry from the tears that he refuses to shed. "Why do you keep coming back here?" Yinsen takes a deep breath and Tony knows that rattle that catches in his throat. It's haunted his dreams for eight years. "Don't waste your life, Stark," Yinsen repeats, always repeating that- why, why, why is he always repeating that?_

_Another breath and Tony braces himself for the moment of Yinsen's death, for having to move the impossible weight of the Mark 1, for having to_ keep moving forward _when every fiber of his being is screaming, screaming to stop, to go back, to lie down and give up like Yinsen because what's the point of Tony Stark living if people like Yinsen Ho are dead?_

_But Yinsen doesn't die. He locks eyes with Tony again and says, in a voice that's stronger than it ever was when he was actually dying, "It wasn't your fault. None of this was your fault."_

Tony wakes up with a gasp, bolting upright in bed and breathing so hard that it feels like he's about to work himself into another panic attack. Pepper and Rhodey sit up too, reaching for him instinctively but not grabbing him until he reaches back out to them. Then they're there, wrapping their arms around him, murmuring quietly to him that he's okay, that it was just a dream, it wasn't real-

Yinsen's words echo in Tony's head and he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to drown them out. He doesn't realize that he's crying until Pepper reaches up to wipe a tear off his cheek- and then he loses it, falling into her arms and crying with desperate, wracking sobs that he couldn't stop even if he had the energy to try. Rhodey rubs a hand along the top of Tony's back and Pepper just holds him gently until the tears stop- and then keeps holding him, since Tony doesn't think he has the energy to move and has no desire to try anyway. 

"Are you okay?" Pepper asks after a few moments of silence. Tony sniffs, but nods, and moves to sit back up. After a moment where it seems like Pepper isn't going to let him go, she shifts and gives him space again. 

"Yeah, I'm-" Tony swallows. He's not fine, and saying as much would be a blatant lie... but he's not sure how he's feeling, so he changes the subject. "What time is it?"

Pepper and Rhodey share a glance that doesn't go unnoticed by Tony, but luckily they accept the conversational change (for now, at least), and Rhodey says, "Almost 9am. Pepper and I were trying to figure out if we should get breakfast started but, well..."

"We didn't want you to wake up alone," Pepper finishes. 

Tony thinks about that, mulling the situation over in his head. It's morning, the morning of the Anniversary, and for the first time that Tony can remember... he slept through the night, more or less without issue as well. He woke up and he's _sober-_ sober and not hungover, more's the miracle- and he's not alone. And, the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks he might be if not okay at least not awful. 

"Thanks for that," Tony says to Pepper and Rhodey at last. "But since I'm awake now... breakfast? And coffee?"

"Coffee sounds _delightful_ ," Pepper says, and Tony laughs, and the trio get out of bed and make their way towards the kitchen as if this was any other day, any _normal_ day instead of the Anniversary of Afghanistan. 

It's unnerving and disorienting how _normal_ everything seems without the distortion of a night of hard drinking blurring Tony's perception (and his vision), and as he watches Pepper and Rhodey move around each other as they get a pot of coffee and breakfast started, the whole situation starts to take on an edge of unreality. Is this how it's supposed to be? Can Tony really let the day pass unnoticed and unmarked? Sober and without desperately clinging to the guilt that Tony has carried over these last eight years?

It feels wrong. It feels like a betrayal to everyone who died- Yinsen and the soldier and everyone killed by a Stark Industries weapon- that Tony gets to move on with his life and they don't. But Yinsen's words from Tony's dream keep echoing in his mind. _It wasn't your fault._ And the more Tony thinks about it, the more he can see the truth in that. He will always have the blood on his hands from his time as the Merchant of Death, but what happened in Afghanistan... That was because of Stane and the Ten Rings. Maybe the guilt Tony has been carrying has been misplaced all along, a burden he shouldered when he didn't know the truth of what happened- and never set down once Stane's plan was uncovered. 

It's an uncomfortable thought, and one that sticks with Tony throughout the day. He's quiet, and withdrawn, and he knows that Pepper and Rhodey are worried about him but he doesn't think he has the words to explain the jumbled, confusing mess of thoughts that he's trying to sort through. He wants to drink so badly it's almost a physical ache in his body, never mind that he's been sober long enough for this round of alcohol cravings to be psychological, rather than physical. But Tony wants the fogginess that comes with drinking, the way it slows down his thoughts, the relief it brings from having to _think-_ at least until it sours everything, sends Tony's mood plummeting worse than before, dredging up memories of his father and mother, memories of all the stupid shit he's done while drunk or coked up or just too wired to stop and think about the repercussiosn of what he was planning on doing.

With the clarity that sobriety brings, Tony suspects that a large part of why the Anniversary has always been so difficult has been because the alcohol always makes things worse despite Tony's stubborn insistence that it helps.

Go figure, right?

Part of Tony is angry, so, so angry, that he's wasted _eight years_ by letting his grief and guilt and alcoholism tie him to the past. Part of Tony knows that that anger is useless- it won't change what happened before, and it won't make future years easier to deal with, because this still isn't _easy_ , even sober. There are still rough moments in his day, moments where his introspective thoughts lead him too close to a a downward spiral of emotions, or moments where something will trigger his PTSD and he realizes that he's still tensed for something to go wrong. He can't decide whether he wants to accept the comfort of his partners or keep them at bay. He'll go to Rhodey or Pepper, drape himself over them, and then leave after only a few minutes when his skin starts prickling and the repulsion twists with the trauma and makes him skittish and uncomfortable. 

Pepper and Rhodey are patient with him, far more than he deserves, and Tony makes a point of staying in the same room as them- or at least sticking nearby, within their line of sight whenever possible. They're tense too, bracing themselves for the worst- though whether that's Tony disappearing again, or Tony having a complete breakdown, he can't tell. 

"This is ridiculous, isn't it?" Tony finally asks, late in the afternoon. Both Pepper and Rhodey immediately look up at him, and Tony realizes with another pang of guilt that it's been several hours, at least, since he last spoke. 

Tony is so tired of feeling guilty. He needs to start actually doing better, instead of wallowing and hurting his partners with the collateral damage from his actions (or inactions, in the case of today).

"What's ridiculous, Tony?" Pepper asks.

"This," Tony says, waving a hand in a vague gesture that can't possibly encompass everything he needs it to. "Me. Us. Sitting here in silence and wallowing and- and letting this fucking day still hurt me as much as it does. I'm sober- I'm fucking sober right now- and I'm still fixating on- on Afghanistan and the cave and Y-" Tony takes a deep breath. "It's been eight years and now this is different, but not different enough, and that's..."

"Frustrating?" Rhodey offers, and Tony nods. "Yeah, Tones, yeah look- we get that. I get that. Things like this, you don't just work through it in one day-"

"Especially not after eight years of solving your problems by drinking them away," Pepper cuts in.

"Exactly," Rhodey agrees. "Your comment from last night, about needing a therapist? That's probably a good idea and something you definitely need to look into when we get back to New York." 

Tony nods, and he blinks a few times to clear away the tears that threaten to build up in the corners of his eyes. He's tired and emotionally worn down, and Rhodey's words hit most of Tony's insecurities- unintentionally, of course, and he knows that. He doesn't need to alarm Rhodey or Pepper by breaking down now. 

But Rhodey has known Tony for too long, seen him at too many low points, to not pick up on his attempt to keep himself together. "That's not a judgement on you, Tony. Plenty of people see a therapist, for all sorts of reasons. Hell, _I_ see one, and I have for years."

"And so do I," Pepper chimes in. "And not entirely because of you or Iron Man or the Avengers, so get that look off your face."

"The point I'm trying to make is that yeah, a therapist would help because that's literally their job- but you've also made _so much_ progress on your own, Tony," Rhodey says. "Don't discount that just because being sober today didn't magically solve all your problems. Right now, you're still handling today better than you have at any point in the last eight years. That's not something to sniff at."

Tony wraps his arms around himself, curling in on himself as he shakes his head. "Still not enough progress."

"But it's still _progress_ ," Rhodey insists. "Don't sell yourself short. You wanna move past Afghanistan? Start celebrating the progress you make, whatever that progress looks like, instead of shutting it down just because it doesn't meet whatever arbitrary standard you think you have to meet."

Tony doesn't know how to respond to that so he just makes a face. It's a little bit of an immature reaction, but one that gets a laugh from Pepper and Rhodey rolling his eyes as he says, "C'mon, get over here, Tones."

Tony goes, and although he braces himself for the romance repulsion to make this break a short one. But he still sits down next to Rhodey, and lets Rhodey wrap an arm around his shoulders, and its just this side of "familiar", just a hair shy of "romantic" and that's all Tony needs to finally relax. 

"You aren't doing as badly as you think you are," Rhodey murmurs in his ear. "What happened back then wasn't your fault. It's okay to let that go."

The echo of dream-Yinsen's words cuts through Tony, piercing his heart and making him shudder. "I think I get that now," Tony says and, at least for this moment, for this night, he lets himself accept the comfort that his partners are offering. 

The three of them don't move far from the living room, or far from each other's presence, for the rest of the day and it's barely 9pm by the time Tony finds himself struggling to keep his eyes open. He's exhausted, not only from the emotional turmoil not only of the day but of the last several weeks leading up to the Anniversary, but also from the emotional _release_ from his introspection and conversation with his partners. He's the first to stir from the couch and, in answer to Pepper and Rhodey's questioning looks, says, "I'm beat. I'm going to turn in."

Rhodey shifts to let Tony stand up, and to his surprise Pepper stands as well. "Today was hard for all of us. I'm going to bed too."

She gives Rhodey a pointed look and he groans, and shakes his head. "Nah, I'll catch up with you guys later-"

"Oh no you don't," Tony says, and grabs Rhodey's arm, giving it a tug and trying to pull him to his feet. "After all the shit you two gave me last night? Well now it's my turn and I'm saying that you're coming to bed with us."

"I'm not even tired!" Rhodey protests, but he's laughing and he lets Tony pull him upright without much of a fight at all.

"Want me to wear you out again?" Pepper teases.

"Tony said he was tired-"

"Well, not too tired for that," Tony cuts in, because sex might not have been part of his plans but he's not entirely opposed either- especially if it keeps Rhodey close by while Tony, although generally doing better than he was earlier, is still feeling a little fragile. 

Rhodey splutters, but can't come up with an argument against that. For the first time since they arrived at the cabin, it's Tony who leads their small trio into the bedroom, holding onto Rhodey with one hand and letting Pepper kiss him on the lips and along his jawline- until they reach the bedroom, and Tony kicks the door shut behind them, and things get more heated.

**Chapter Three**

For the second morning in a row, Tony sleeps through the entire night- this time, not even waking up from a pseudo-nightmare but from the feeling of someone pressing tight against his side. Rhodey is still out cold on the far side of the bed and Pepper, who had fallen asleep in the middle this time, is snuggled up close to Tony, arms and legs wrapped around him and trapping him in place. 

It's not uncomfortable but it is intimate, and for all that Tony knows that the gesture isn't intended to be romantic it still sends little skitters of repulsion along his spine anyway because Tony, even almost six years into his relationship, has a hard time distinguishing _intimate_ from _romantic._ He trusts Pepper- and Rhodey too, for that matter- and he knows that they never intend their actions to be romantic... but knowing that isn't always enough to keep the repulsion at bay anyway.

Tony shifts, just slightly, and Pepper mumbles some incoherent protest, and shifts too so she's still pressed up along Tony's side. Tony laughs quietly and tries to nudge her away, but Pepper isn't having any of it. "Pep. Hey, Pep," he whispers, poking her in the shoulder. "Let me go."

Pepper grumbles and doesn't let go, but does change her position slightly so Tony isn't quite so trapped in her arms. Tony laughs quietly, and he can see the slight quirk to Pepper's lips that tells him that she isn't as asleep as she's pretending to be. "C'mon, really? Now you're just making this weird."

"We've been in a queerplatonic relationship for six years," Pepper mumbles. "A little cuddling isn't weird."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not," Pepper says. "'sides, you're cuddling me too."

And, okay, _maybe_ there's a bit of cuddling from his end too. Somehow one of his arms is wrapped around Pepper's waist, probably flung there in his sleep. "I clearly wasn't awake when this started, you can't hold the things I do when I'm not conscious against me."

Pepper opens one eye and, really, it's pretty impressive how much she can convey with that single stare. "Yes, I can. You started this and it's my birthday and I want _cuddles_."

If Tony really, seriously, couldn't handle the contact he knows he could tell her to cuddle Rhodey, or just point-blank say that he can't handle this right now, and Pepper would respect that and move away. But the lighthearted banter about the situation with Pepper helps dispel some of the repulsion that had been making his skin crawl and, well, it _is_ Pepper's birthday now after all. So Tony pretends to grumble a bit, but he doesn't move his arm away and he doesn't push Pepper away, and she sighs and closes her eye again, settling back down into the cuddle. It doesn't take long for Pepper to fall back asleep, her breathing evening out and her arms loosening their grip on Tony. 

Tony briefly debates falling back asleep himself, because it's rare that he doesn't have some pressing need waiting for him as soon as he wakes up, but he can't quite seem to doze off again and the longer he lays there the more fidgety he gets. The last thing Tony wants to do is disturb Pepper, so he carefully begins the slow process of untangling his limbs from hers and sliding out of bed. He wants coffee (or maybe another cup of the tea that Rhodey made for him the night before), but Tony's first stop is the bathroom, where he takes some time washing the smell of last night's sex off his skin. 

By the time he finally reaches the kitchen he's wide awake and definitely in need of caffeine. He's not expecting to see Pepper awake, and definitely not expecting the lost and scared look on her face, or the way she seems to be shaking and breathing heavily as she looks around the room. 

"Pep?" Tony calls out softly to get her attention. Pepper turns and, as soon as she sees him, immediately crosses the room and flings her arms around Tony, burying her face in the crook of his neck and holding him close. Tony wraps his arms around her and Pepper makes a kittenish, lost sound and presses closer. "Hey, hey, it's okay, it's- you're okay, everything's fine..." Tony babbles. He's not paying attention to the words that he's saying, just saying _anything_ to try to calm Pepper down. 

"Sorry," Pepper says, words muffled against Tony's skin. "Sorry, sorry, I just- had a bad dream, and you were gone when I woke up, and I thought you would be in here but you weren't and-"

"I went to the bathroom first. I'm sorry, Pepper," Tony says, and he presses a kiss to the top of her head. Pepper shudders at the contact, but then she relaxes just a fraction more.

Tony isn't surprised that this is how the morning is kicking off. Pepper isn't vocal about her dislike of her birthday, but Tony had figured it out years ago. All it took was matching up the timeline of when Tony was kidnapped in Afghanistan, and how long it took word to reach first Stark Industries and then Pepper herself, for Tony to realize that she would have gotten the news of his disappearance exactly on her birthday. Whether Pepper's nightmares are of Tony disappearing again, or of Tony or Rhodey or anyone else getting hurt in a battle somewhere- that Tony is less sure about. Both him and Rhodey have tried to delicately ask on a number of occasions, but whatever plagues Pepper's dreams she keeps close to her chest. 

If Tony's being honest with himself, while he might have wanted to take this vacation for his own benefit- to make sure he stayed sober and to be able to process things without the hustle and bustle of the Avengers and Stark Industries as a distraction- he also wanted to give Pepper some time of her own. Unlike Tony Pepper has never been afraid to admit when she needs her partners close by, and her birthday is always the one of the day where she insists that Tony (and Rhodey, when he's around) keep her company. This year, she gets the both of them and no distractions to tear their little trio apart.

"You feeling better?" Tony finally asks, when Pepper seems to have stopped shaking and they're just standing still in the kitchen, holding each other close. 

Pepper nods, and Tony can feel her take a deep breath before she moves to step away- but Tony doesn't let go of her, and after a moment Pepper clings tight to him again. "You don't mind?" she asks. Whether she means _You don't mind the cuddling?_ or _You don't mind that I'm bothering you?_ Tony doesn't know, but the answer is the same either way. 

"Not at all," he assures her. "Do you wanna stay here, or go back to bed?"

Pepper thinks about that for a moment. "Bed?"

Tony nods and lets Pepper lead the way back to the bedroom. She gets back into the middle of the bed, and Tony takes his position up on the outside again, and he opens his arms for Pepper to cuddle close. On her other side Rhodey shifts and moves closer to them as well, so he's pressed against Pepper's back. "Everything okay?" Rhodey asks with a sleep-rough voice, eyes barely open as he struggles to actually wake up fully. 

"It is now," Pepper says, and the three of them settle back down. 

Several hours later, they're all woken by someone's cell phone going off. It's not Tony's, and judging by the way Rhodey groans and burrows back underneath the blankets it doesn't seem like it's his either. Pepper also groans, but she leverages herself upright and leans over top of Rhodey, just managing to grab her phone and answer the call before it goes to voicemail. "Hello?" she mumbles as she falls back into bed, landing partially on Tony's left shoulder. 

Tony can hear several people talking on the other end of the call, though he can't make out what they're saying. He closes his eyes, even though he knows he won't fall back asleep, and listens as Pepper laughs and says, "Thanks everyone. Who all is there right now?" Another explosion of voices from down the phone line and Pepper laughs again. "One at a time, please! Mom, Dad- who else, is Char there? Oh, and Brian? Hey you two, how's the wedding planning going?"

Tony listens as Pepper makes a lot of "uh-huh" and "oh, I see" sort of noises while someone on the other end of the call rambles on about, presumably, wedding planning. Pepper doesn't talk about her family much, beyond her usual blanket statement of, "There's just a lot of us Potts, you know?" Tony hasn't even met any of them, and he's pretty sure Rhodey hasn't either. It doesn't bother Tony, though after what happened at Christmas he knows it bothers Rhodey a little bit. Tony can understand wanting to keep some things private, though, and Pepper's relationship with her family- whatever that may look like- is hers to manage. Not his.

"No, no, don't come down to the city, mom, I'm not even there right now." Pepper sits up and both Tony and Rhodey open their eyes at the movement. She mouths, "Can you let me get by?" and Tony nods, shifting so she can climb out of bed. "No, no, I took a vacation for my birthday- Just upstate, Tony owns a cabin up there- It's Tony Stark, Dad, of course the cabin is nice- How's Holly? They're fine, they... No, yeah, it is great that _they_ are doing well.”

The sudden emphasis on Holly’s pronouns doesn’t go unnoticed by Tony and Rhodey, who immediately exchange a pointed look. 

“No, dad, I’m not picking a fight but you can’t just- You have to use their pronouns all the time, not just when they can hear you!” Pepper says. 

Tony watches, an uncomfortable pit of realization growing in his stomach, as Pepper’s body language changes. She folds her arms and starts curling in on herself, obviously unconsciously, but it’s such a tell-tale action that Tony is thrown to see it from _Pepper_ of all people. Tony glances at Rhodey and he isn’t surprised to see a stormy look on his face- the kind of look he used to get whenever Howard got brought up in conversation.

“Sorry, I have to cut this short, I have another call coming through,” Pepper says to her family. “Yeah, I’ll- yeah, talk to you later, love you too, bye.”

She hangs up, and it’s obvious that there’s no other call waiting for her. She just stands there, clenching her phone so tightly that her knuckles turn white, with a dangerously blank look on her face… And Tony has no idea what the fuck he’s supposed to do here. 

It’s Rhodey who speaks first, and says, “So. That… didn’t sound great.”

Pepper lets out a weak laugh. “That was mostly not-terrible for them, actually. Sorry you had to see that.”

“Nothing to apologize for,” Rhodey says. Pepper shrugs, like she doesn’t quite believe that. “So, can I ask… Do your family not like Holly, or…?”

“No, they love them, actually,” Pepper says, “but that doesn’t stop them from being shits about Holly’s identity when they’re not around. But that’s just my family for you. They do a real good job of playing at being friendly and welcoming, but in private they’re just as miserably WASP-y as you’d expect from the old-school Connecticut wealthy.” Pepper drags a hand down her face, and even though she just woke up she looks exhausted. “Sorry, I don’t mean to kick you out of the bedroom, but can I get some privacy for a few minutes? I just… I need to call my sister Rina, and I’d rather not…”

“We’ll go get coffee started,” Tony says, grabbing Rhodey’s arm and dragging him towards the door before he can open his mouth and say something stupid. 

 

"So, how are you feeling about the whole Pepper not telling her family about us situation?" Tony asks as he filled up the reservoir of the coffee pot with water. Apart from Pepper telling them that Rina now knows, and approves, of their relationship the three of them haven't had the chance to revisit that particular discussion yet.

"I don't know," Rhodey says truthfully. "It still hurts a little to think that we've been together almost six years and her family doesn't know about us, but..." Rhodey shrugs. "Her family isn't like mine, and I can understand that. Even just from overhearing Pepper's side of that phone call it seems like they're a lot. Maybe Pepper made the right call, not telling them. I don't know that if that's true, but I do know Pepper and I know she's not ashamed of what we have. So if she didn't want to tell her family, there has to be a good reason for that and whatever that reason is I can respect it."

"That's good to hear," Tony says neutrally as he starts the coffee pot.

"Well, what about you?" Rhodey asks with a laugh. "I'm assuming you still don't care then?"

"Like I said back in December, I don't have a dog in this fight, not like you two do," Tony reminds him. And his concerns with people knowing were never about family members or close friends, but what would happen if the broader world found out. That wouldn't end well for any of them, and if Pepper is concerned about her family spreading the word he's grateful that she hasn't said anything to them.

Not, of course, that he's going to admit as much to Rhodey now.

"Fine, play Switzerland in this, but like we told you back in December, this concerns you too," Rhodey says.

Tony shrugs, but doesn't say anything, and he pretends he doesn't hear Rhodey's small sigh of frustration.

Tony shrugs, but doesn't say anything, and he pretends he doesn't hear Rhodey's small sigh of frustration.

Footsteps coming down the hall catch both of their attention. It's obviously Pepper, but Tony doesn't think either of them were expecting her to still be on the phone- he knows he certainly wasn't.

"Yeah, yeah, hold on a second, christ, I'm asking them now-" Pepper pulls the phone away from her ear, looks at Tony and Rhodey, and asks, "Do you want to talk to Rina?" Tony and Rhodey stare at her, then look at each other in stunned confusion. There's the tinny sound of Rina still trying to talk to Pepper, and Pepper sighs and puts the phone back up to her head, saying, "Sorry, Rina, I told you they weren't going to want to-"

"No, no, no, no, no," Tony says, at the same moment that Rhodey insists, "We never said that!"

Pepper raises an eyebrow at them. "So... you do want to talk to my little sister?"

Tony and Rhodey exchange another look, silently asking each other if they were really going to do this, before Rhodey looks back at Pepper and nods. "Yeah. I wanna talk to her."

Pepper looks at Tony and he shrugs again. "Sure. Why not? What's the worst that could happen?"

"Famous last words," Pepper mutters under her breath, before saying to Rina, "Okay, I'm putting you on speaker now. Please try to behave."

Pepper pulls the phone away and taps a few buttons, and a moment later Tony and Rhodey can hear who can only be Rina saying, "-onna make them hate me, come ON Peps!"

"Peps?" Tony repeats as a slow, shit-eating grin grows on his face.

Pepper facepalms, and shakes her head. "Oh my god, this was a terrible idea."

"No, this was possibly the best idea you've ever had," Tony says.

"Is that- That's Tony Stark talking, right?" Rina asks.

"In the flesh," Tony says. "Well. In the flesh here, not in the flesh... wherever you're calling from." To Pepper, he asks, "You're from Connecticut, right?"

"Unfortunately," Pepper replies.

"By which she means that yes, we're exactly as unfortunately WASP-y and old-money as you think," Rina adds.

Pepper glares at the phone and says, loudly and pointedly, "So Tony, did I ever tell you about Rina's reaction when you first announced that you were Iron Man?"

"No, no, no, that's not a story anyone needs to hear, least of all him!" Rina says quickly, and Tony has to quickly try to smother his laughter. "Anyway! Anyway, is your other boyfriend there too?"

"Yes, Jim is here and I told you, they're not-"

"Right, right, yeah, sorry, partners not boyfriends," Rina interrupts. "Got it, and pardon the fuck up you two. I'm still getting used to the idea of Pepper having two relationships and three partners, let alone everything else."

Rhodey and Tony exchange a look. "Everything else, being...?" Tony asks, a little warily.

There's a brief silence from down the phone line, before Rina finally says, "Well, you're aromantic, aren't you? Peps has always worn her heart on her sleeve, and when she called me about the whole, y'know, situation years ago I didn't think this would be the result of it."

"Ah," Tony says. He's not really sure how to respond to that. There's a small pit of discomfort in his stomach, something akin to the beginnings of panic, at Rina's casual mention of Tony being aromantic. He's spent so long keeping this part of himself secret that it's jarring to hear someone outside the team talk about it, no matter that Tony already knew that Rina was aware.

"So, how do you feel about Pepper's relationships?" Rhodey asks, saving Tony from having to come up with a more eloquent answer. "Does she have your approval?"

“Jim, we’ve been over this already!” Pepper says with a laugh.

“I just want to hear it from her!” Rhodey says, and he’s laughing too. Everyone thinks that it’s Tony who winds up the people in this life, but that’s only because they’ve never seen the way Pepper and Rhodey make each other laugh or the way they tease each other constantly. Once the two of them get going there aren’t a lot of things that can stop them.

Although apparently, Rina speaking up again is one of the few things that can derail a joking moment between Pepper and Rhodey. "Yeah, she does," Rina cuts in, loud enough to be heard over Pepper and Rhodey- who both immediately fall quiet when Rina starts speaking. "I mean, don't get me wrong, this wasn't something I expected from _Pepper_ of all people... but you guys make her happy, and that's really, really obvious to see. So, yeah, support is very happily given. The rest of the family might be a different story, but if you want my blessing here it's all yours, for whatever it may be worth."

Tony finally finds his voice again and asks, "Why would the rest of the family be different?" and both Pepper and Holly go worryingly, tellingly silent. 

"Neither of you have met anyone in the family, have you?" Rina finally asks, her voice slow and cautious.

Tony and Rhodey exchange a look. "No, you're the first one we're talking to," Tony says. He had never thought that it was weird that he hadn't met any of Pepper's family, not until Rhodey took offense to it during their fight back in December, but now he's starting to wonder about the secrets Pepper may be keeping. 

"Well, I wasn't lying when I said that they're pretty WASP-y. Old school New England money, and they have old school New England ideas to boot," Rina says. "Our parents aren't gonna handle Pepper's polyamorous relationship with two superheroes very well."

"But the rest of your family..." Rhodey says. "Pepper always says that there's a ton of you. What about everyone else?"

Tony glances at Pepper, who has been markedly silent during this new twist of the conversation. Her lips are pursed, her arms folded and her body slowly pulling in on itself, like she's trying to disappear from sight. It's the type of body language that Tony is very painfully familiar with, though he never though he'd see it from _Pepper_. 

"I mean, sure, some of the aunts and uncles might not care too much, especially on our mom's side," Rina says. "And the cousins, and I'd hope our siblings too. But our parents? Or grandparents? That's a different matter altogether."

There's an awkward sort of silence between them after that. Tony and Rhodey have no idea what to say in response, and Pepper clearly isn't going to speak up and continue this particular conversation. Eventually, Rina clears her throat and says, "Well, I should probably get going, before the others wonder what we've been talking about so long. Tony, Jim, it was nice to finally talk to you."

"Nice to talk to you too," Rhodey says, and Tony says, "You too, and if you're ever in New York hit us up, I'll take you out on the town-"

"No, absolutely not," Pepper says, finally finding her voice again. "The last thing my blood pressure needs is the two of you getting up to trouble in the city together."

"Aww, come on, Pepper-" Rina begins.

Pepper turns off the speakerphone and says to Tony and Rhodey, "Let me finish this call, I'll be right back," before walking out of the kitchen. 

Tony and Rhodey exchange a look. "So, that was weird right?" Tony asks. "Like, that- that was weird."

"It definitely wasn't what I was expecting," Rhodey agrees. "I didn't think Pepper had a bad relationship with her family like that."

"Mm, I don't think it's a bad relationship," Tony says. "If Pepper didn't want to be involved with her family anymore it would be easy enough for her to lie about being too busy to make it to holidays or birthdays or anything else, but she doesn't do that. But you can love someone, and they can love you, but that doesn't mean everything is going to be perfect." His own parents, especially Maria, are a testament to that, and Tony's chest goes tight again at the memory of Pepper's body language as Rina talked about their family.

When Pepper returns to the kitchen, cellphone conspicuously left behind, there's a slightly guarded look in her eyes, like she's expecting round two of the fight from Christmas. "So, that was my little sister, Rina," Pepper says. "Sorry for the ambush, but Rina was pretty insistent about wanting to meet you two when I told her we were in a relationship and I don't know when she's going to get down to the city next."

"Or if I would even be around when she got there," Rhodey adds, and Pepper nods. "Relax, Pepper. It's fine. She seems nice, and I'm glad she's okay with our relationship."

Tony, for his part, just bumps hips with Pepper as he passes her a cup of coffee and offers her a smile, which she returns with no small amount of relief. 

XXXXX

"I want to go for a walk," Tony says, about mid-morning a few days after Pepper's birthday. Breakfast is done, and Pepper has been slowly repacking her suitcase, but no one is in any rush to do much else with their last day at the cabin. Rhodey isn't even dressed completely yet, still in the sweatpants and t-shirt he threw on when they got up this morning, despite the fact that they're supposed to be leaving later that day.

"Really? After all the snark you gave me a few days ago when I decided to go for a walk?" Pepper says, raising an eyebrow at him. "What did you say to me again, something about me being crazy for wanting to leave the cabin?"

"Yeah, but that was _you_ and _days ago,_ " Tony counters, giving Pepper a shit-eating grin. "And besides, I have something I want to show the two of you."

"You... have something you want to show us," Rhodey repeats slowly, as if he thinks Tony has lost his mind. "What the hell do you want to show us?"

"That, my friends, is for me to know and you to find out- as soon as you put on actual clothes, Rhodeybear," Tony says. "Come on, chop chop, let's get moving here!"

Pepper and Rhodey still seem doubtful, but eventually Tony manages to usher them outside and leads the way down one of the small hiking trails that surround the cabin. There's some snow on the ground, but the last few days have been unusually warm and the path, although muddy, is easy to see and follow.

"Tony, I walked this way the other day, there's nothing out here but trees, trees, and more trees," Pepper says.

"And snow, and mud, and slush," Rhodey grumbles under his breath. 

Tony just laughs. Now that they're past the Anniversary and Pepper's birthday he feels lighter than he has in months. His mind, usually running a thousand miles a minute this time of the year as he tries to distract himself from his feelings and memories, is unusually calm. Tony has spent so long thinking about his past in recent days, that he now finds himself looking to the future with a steady determination rather than the frantic mania that would have previously driven his actions.

"Don't worry, we're almost there," Tony tells them. "It's just a little bit further."

Tony hears Pepper huff behind him and has to quickly smother a laugh. "I'm telling you, there's nothing out here!" Pepper insists.

"Yes there is!" The trio finally reach a break in the trees, a small outcrop on the hillside that offered a view of the surrounding area. Tony points down below them and says, "Look! Down there!"

Both Pepper and Rhodey turn in the direction that he points, Rhodey squinting against the sun and Pepper shielding her eyes with one hand. "Is that a road?" she asks.

"And a building," Rhodey says, pointing. "Looks like an old SI warehouse, too."

"It is an old SI warehouse," Tony confirms. "Technically I'm leasing it to the company for something, like, a dollar a year, but no one's really used it since the late 90's. There's some things stored there, but most of it's empty by now."

"Interesting history lesson, but what's really going on here?" Rhodey asks.

Tony puts his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he stares down at the warehouse and thinks about what he wants to say. "Lots of space in a mostly-empty building that size. There's a few workshops. A landing pad for small aircraft, too. And lots of convertible space."

Pepper and Rhodey get the meaning behind what Tony is saying at almost the same time. Rhodey inhales sharply and shoots Tony a shocked look. Pepper keeps staring down at the building below as she says, "You're thinking of moving the team."

"Not moving. Just... expanding," Tony says. He's been thinking about this almost since the fall of SHIELD, but more and more frequently since coming out to the team, and now he's sure that it's a good idea. "Look- with Sam fully on the team and Thor back to being around more often than not, the Tower can get a little crowded. And if Bucky ever comes a-knockin' he needs someplace to stay that isn't in the middle of Manhattan."

"Not to mention the extra space for gyms, training rooms... You'd be able to have a place to work on aerial maneuvers that isn't crammed inside a sub-basement in the Tower." Tony can almost see the gears start to move in Rhodey's head as he thinks of the possibilities. "And it's only a short distance from the city by Quinjet if something did come up..."

"And this would give people the option on where to live," Tony says. "Most of the team is pretty attached to New York, but if Bruce gets skittish and needs some distance he can come up here instead of running halfway across the world again- not to mention there's plenty around here for Hulk to smash without risking him hurting anyone. If we want to test-run some of the new vigilantes with the team, we can bring them up here instead of jeopardizing the safety of the Tower." Tony spreads his hands in a supplicating gesture. "The Tower was never meant to be a permanent solution to housing the Avengers full-time. You guys know that."

It had been a pipe dream of Tony's, sure, to have everyone living under one roof- but until SHIELD collapsed only Bruce was there full-time, with Cap and Widow ducking in and out whenever they made it north to New York, and Clint dropping by just to be a bother. The Avengers may have come back together for a few engagements after the Battle of New York, but they were hardly a permanent team until after the fall of SHIELD and it's taken almost a year for Tony to accept that they're really sticking around this time. With Holly as their PR person, and the team living together, and Tony bankrolling everything... Well, it's obvious now that they need to think about more long-term arrangements for everything.

Truthfully, Tony should have started thinking about this _months_ ago and he's kicking himself for taking so long to get to this point. But there’s a certain amount of clarity that’s come with his sobriety, and now with moving past at least some of the lingering nightmares of Afghanistan. What happened eight years ago wasn’t his fault, and it’s not his fault that his demons have been holding him back from helping the team reach their true potential. He wasn’t in a place before where he could do this. No matter how desperate he may have been for human company and actual friends, he wasn’t ready to open more of himself- and his assets- to the team until now, when he’s absolutely sure that this is going to last.

“The Board will be thrilled to have some of the more dangerous aspects of the Avengers moved out of the Tower,” Pepper says. “The labs and workshops, for one.” _And the Hulk_ goes unsaid, but they’re all thinking it. Bruce may have his greener half under control these days, but civilians are still wary of the Big Guy- especially New Yorkers.

“Where would you live, if the team splits between here and the Tower?” Rhodey asks. “You’d have more lab space up here, more room to test new armors…”

“And still plenty of business to take care of in New York.” Tony shakes his head. “No, I’ll be staying in the Tower- and I bet most of the team will, too. We need this space as a training ground, among other things, but New York is our home.”

“Good,” Pepper says, as she reaches out and grabs Tony’s and Rhodey’s hands, “because I’m not traveling all the way up here every time I want sex.”

Tony lets out a bark of startled laughter and Rhodey buries his face in his free hand, mumbling, “Oh my god, Pepper.”

“What? It’s lovely up here, don’t get me wrong, but I am not driving- or flying- between here and New York if the Avengers relocate permanently,” Pepper says. “Now, if you wanted to propose another vacation? Please, by all means, let me know because I definitely want to come back here.”

“Maybe in summer next time, though?” Rhodey adds.

Pepper laughs. “What is it with you and the cold, anyway?”

“I just like being warm!”

“Actually, on the topic of future vacations… There was something else I wanted to talk to you two about.” Tony takes a deep breath, feeling the weight of Pepper and Rhodey’s curious gazes on him, and reaches into his pocket, pulling out a small, electronic device.

“What’s that?” Pepper asks, frowning. Rhodey holds out his hand for it, and Tony passes it over, watching as he turns it over, studying it from every angle.

“Look- we’ve been together six years now, yeah? Six years and Pepper’s gotten herself a new partner and we’ve gotten through that,” Tony says. “We’ve gotten through the Battle of New York, and the Avengers moving into the Tower, and now maybe the Avengers moving out of the Tower, at least in some respects, and we’re still doing good. Better than ever, even, and I think… Well, this relationship is going to stick around, isn’t it?”

“Nice of you to finally catch up with us on that,” Rhodey says dryly, but there’s a twinkle in his eyes that tells Tony he’s more amused than hurt by this.

"Yeah, okay, that's fair," Tony admits. "You guys are waaaay too familiar with my issues, especially after everything with Holly last May, so none of this should come as a surprise to you."

"It doesn't," Rhodey interjects again.

Pepper elbows him in the side and, ignoring his laughing, says, "Shut up. I wanna hear what Tony's saying."

"It sounds like Tony is gearing up to propose to one or both of us, but even I know that can't be right," Rhodey says, and Pepper bursts out laughing.

Tony wrinkles his nose, making a grossed-out face at the two of them. "What? No, how the hell does this sound like a proposal?"

 _"Oh Rhodey and Pepper I've realized finally how strong our relationship is and how much you two platonically mean to me, won't you please be my platonic husband and wife?"_ Rhodey says in a falsetto voice. He bats his eyelashes at Pepper, who's still laughing at the two of them.

"Gross," Tony tells him. "Absolutely disgusting, and I do not sound like that."

"Oh, I don't know, I think it's a pretty good impression," Pepper says between fits of laughter. She lets go of Tony's hand as he goes to poke her in the side, dancing out of his reach and pulling Rhodey along with her.

Tony puts on an offended front and says, "If you two are finished, I would like to finish what I was trying to say." That only sets Pepper off again, as Tony knew it probably would, but eventually both her and Rhodey settle back down and Pepper motions for him to continue. "I'll spare you two the rest of the speech I had planned-"

"Oh thank god, because it's freezing out here," Rhodey interrupts, and Pepper almost immediately doubles over with laughter.

"Rhodey if you don't shut up for thirty seconds I'm having JARVIS send me an armor just so I can blast that stupid look off your face," Tony threatens. He mostly doesn't mean it but it is cold outside, and he does have a bigger point that he would like to make some time in this decade.

"You two aren't allowed to get into another armor-based fight ever again, or I'll kick both your asses," Pepper says as she straightens back up and wipes a tear away from the corner of her eye. "Seriously though, it's freezing and I would like to hear what Tony has been trying to say for the last ten minutes."

"Thank you, Ms. Potts," Tony says primly. "As I have been trying to say, I think I've finally accepted that this- all of this, the relationship and the Avengers and everything else- is here to stay. And if I can let the Avengers into one of my old Stark Industries warehouses... then I can let you two into everywhere else."

He takes the small electrical device back from Rhodey and, with a few carefully taps, a scanner appears on the surface of it. "This is a biometric scanner, one of my own design," Tony says. "It's the basis for the new security system I'm installing in all of my properties and buildings."

Suddenly, both Pepper and Rhodey are completely serious again. “Um… Tony?” Pepper says, now hesitant in her words despite her earlier exuberant energy. “I don’t want to jump to conclusions here but it sounds like you’re… offering us access to all the buildings you own?”

"That’s exactly what I’m doing,” Tony says. “I just need to scan your fingerprint and eyes, and then as I update building securities you’ll have access to anything.”

Pepper and Rhodey exchange another look. “Okay, look, I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate this gesture, but- why?” Rhodey asks. “I’ve known you since you were literally a teenager, and you’ve never given me- _or_ Pepper- access to anything we didn’t need to access for SI reasons except the Malibu house and the Tower. Why the change now?”

“Because I need to change this,” Tony says simply. “Like you said- I haven’t given you guys access to everything. I don’t have things to hide. There’s no reason you can’t stay in my villa in Italy, or spend a weekend in my apartment in Paris, without either going with me or clearing your plans with me to get access first. Honestly I should’ve done this ages, but…”

But he was too scared- scared of the relationship falling apart, scared of letting Pepper and Rhodey get even closer only to lose them. It scared him how easily he drove Pepper and Rhodey away when he was dying of palladium poisoning, and he was scared of fucking up again and losing them before he could fix things. It’s the same fear that almost ruined his relationship with Pepper last May; if he could admit to it back then, then he can admit to it now.

“You were scared to give us that much access to you,” Pepper says, and her lips quirk up in a smile, just enough for Tony to know that she understands, and at least doesn’t blame him entirely.

“Yeah. But- well, after this vacation I don’t think I’m scared anymore,” Tony says. They’ve seen him at his lowest points and, maybe more importantly, they’ve been there every step of the way as Tony built himself back up. They’ve been there through his attempts at sobriety and, after this week, they’ve seen what he’s hopeful is the beginning of truly moving past Afghanistan.

Tony rubs a hand over his face and says, “Look, at the risk of triggering my own romance-repulsion here let me just come out and say it- You were joking about a marriage proposal before. I can’t give you that. I might never be able to give you that.”

“Polygamy isn’t legal anyway, so I think you’re okay there,” Rhodey says. Pepper is quick to stifle her laugh behind one hand before things can get out of control again, and even Tony has to snort in amusement at that one.

“Fair enough. The point is- I can’t give you a wedding. I can’t give you that sort of commitment,” Tony explains. “But I can do this, and maybe that’s enough instead.”

“Tony, _everything_ you do is enough,” Pepper says. Pepper lets go of Rhodey’s hand and takes a few steps towards Tony, gently cupping his face in her hands and forcing him to look at her. 

“Everything you do is enough,” she repeats, her voice firm and broking no arguments. “We don’t need grand gestures of your devotion. You’re already so, so important to us and it breaks my heart that you’ve ever doubted that. Never, _never_ doubt that again, okay?”

Tony shudders. He wants to close his eyes, hide himself from the fierce sincerity of Pepper’s words, but instead he finds himself leaning into her touch, soaking up the affection like a plant turning to soak up the sun’s rays. “Okay,” he whispers, and instead of it being an empty platitude he finds that he means it. “Okay. I can do that.”

He feels, more than sees, Rhodey move to stand next to them, and when Rhodey squeezes Tony’s shoulder Tony finds himself rocking into that touch as well. 

“Listen, Pepper and I don’t say this because we don’t want to trigger your repulsion, but I’m gonna say it now because it’s important and you need to hear it,” Rhodey says. “We love you. Not romantically, obviously, but we still love you. We loved you when you were drunk and hurting, and we loved you when you were scared, and we love you when you do stupid-ass shit that sends our blood pressure skyrocketing. And like Pepper said, we don’t _need_ you to do this- but I’ve known you long enough to know how important this is to you, so thank you. Thank you for trusting us with this.”

Tony turns, breaking out of Pepper’s hold, and reaches up to pull Rhodey into a hot, hard kiss. Pepper drops her arms, one coming down to circle around Tony’s waist, and Tony turns to kiss her too, keeping one hand on Rhodey as he does because he doesn’t think he’s physically capable of letting go of either of his partners now. “I love both of you too,” Tony says. His voice is raw with emotion and there are tears on his cheeks, but the words don’t taste like ash in his mouth and his heart isn’t pounding in his chest with anxiety and no part of Tony wants to run away from this situation or the words that have been said.

He hears Pepper sniff, and out of the corner of his eye he can see Rhodey wipe a tear away himself. 

Eventually, they’re going to have to go back to the cabin. Eventually, they’re going to have to finish packing their bags and make the long drive back down to New York. But for now the three of them stand there, holding tightly onto each other, and knowing that there’s no place else any of them would rather be.

**Epilogue**

They leave the cabin in the early evening, both to avoid rush hour traffic as they head back down into New York and also to give themselves as much time as possible before returning to the daily grind of their busy lives. Pepper naps in the backseat for most of the relatively short drive, and Tony and Rhodey quietly discuss the plans for her armor (unofficially nicknamed the “Rescue armor” by Rhodey in the middle of a joke). It’s easy enough to pretend that they have a little more time together, that Pepper doesn’t have an early meeting in the morning, that Rhodey isn’t leaving the day after that. 

Rhodey gently rouses Pepper as Tony rounds the corner towards the underground entrance to Avengers Tower. “Hey, JARVIS, who all is around right now?” Tony asks as he drives slowly down to his private parking level. 

“Whoever is here, I’ll see them tomorrow,” Pepper grumbles as she sits up. She yawns, blinking a little blearily, and starts adjusting and fixing her hair and clothes. Rhodey twists around in his seat to smooth out a piece of hair that she missed, and she flashes him a grateful smile. “Thanks.”

“Rhodey? You up for saying hi to the team tonight, or do you want to bail as well?” Tony asks, though there’s no judgement in his tone. He knows that the Avengers can be a bit much to deal with, but it’s been two weeks without any updates from them and he’s antsy for information. 

“Yeah, no. You deal with the team but I am going to take advantage of your freakishly large bed while I still can," Rhodey answers. 

"Oh, yeah? Take advantage how?" Tony asks, waggling his eyebrows just to make Rhodey laugh and Pepper snort in amusement. 

"For sleeping, since one of my partners needs to go be a responsible co-captain of a superhero team," Rhodey says. 

"So if Tony's not around you don't have time for me then?" Pepper asks, all faux indignation, and Tony bursts out laughing as Rhodey immediately tries to backtrack. 

Tony parks the car as he listens to Pepper tease Rhodey, and it takes him a moment to realize that he never got an answer from JARVIS about the team. "Hey, J, you awake?"

"Always, Sir," JARVIS replies immediately. 

"Then what's with the cold shoulder? The team, who's around?" Tony asks. There's another lengthy pause from JARVIS, noticeable enough to cut through to Pepper and Rhodey, making them fall silent as well. "JARVIS!"

"All members of the Avengers Initiative are currently present in the Tower," JARVIS answers. 

"Right, yeah, that particular phrasing isn't helping right now," Tony says as he gets out of the car and makes a beeline for the elevator, Pepper and Rhodey trailing worriedly behind him. "Is anyone-?"

"Minor injuries. Nothing life-threatening," JARVIS replies before Tony can even finish the question. 

"When?" Tony snaps. 

"Several members involved with the search for Sergeant Barnes were injured on their most recent excursion," JARVIS replies. "The entire group returned to the Tower earlier today."

"JARVIS, what aren't you telling us?" Pepper asks before Tony can, because even she can tell that something isn't right here. 

"I am truly sorry, but Captain Rogers has requested that I refrain from sharing certain details. I believe he wishes to inform you of what happened himself," JARVIS answers. 

“Well where the fuck is he?” Tony demands. 

“Waiting for you outside the penthouse,” JARVIS replies, and the elevator picks up just a little bit more speed.

“What do you think happened?” Rhodey asks. 

Tony crosses his arms, hands balled into fists as if he can physically rein in his fear. “I don’t know,” he says, “but I don’t like this. Whatever Cap has to say has better be good.”

Steve is waiting outside the penthouse when the elevator doors finally open. He’s sagging against the wall, his eyes closed, and at first Tony thinks that he fell asleep standing up. But then Steve opens his eyes and forces a smile, and even if it’s weak and exhausted something about it loosens the knot of anxiety in Tony’s chest. Steve wouldn’t be smiling if everything was absolutely hopeless. 

That still isn’t enough to stop Tony from immediately snapping, “What the _fuck_ , Rogers? You put a gag order on my AI? Are you serious right now?”

“Tony-”

“Don’t fucking “Tony” me! The one time- the _one time_!- we manage to get away together and I come back to this! What the fuck is even going on here?”

“We got him.”

Tony had been gearing up to continue his rant but Steve's words throw him for an immediate loop and he falters. "What?"

"We got him," Steve repeats, and for a moment his grin is a little brighter, a little stronger, and Tony knows, a split-second before Steve says it, what happened while they were gone. “We got Bucky.”


	4. Prologue for: The Privilege to Ignore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said in my notes on the last "chapter", this is the prologue for what will hopefully one day be the next story in the series. I'm posting it here for now, only so I'm not leaving this series with such a terrible cliffhanger. (Still a bit of a cliffhanger, but hopefully I can be forgiven for that.)

Steve's words echo loudly in Tony's ears. _We got Bucky_. He barely registers Rhodey's sharp inhale, or the way that Pepper's grip goes painfully tight on Tony's arms. "When did you find him?" Tony asks. "Where? _How_?"

“We only found him yesterday,” Steve says. “We were trailing him from a shoot-out at an old Hydra facility. Managed to get to him before they did, and before he ran. He’s- he’s in a bad shape, Tony. He doesn’t seem like a threat, but he’s missing his arm and-”

“Where is he?” Tony asks, interrupting Steve’s tired, rambling explanation of events, and when Steve doesn’t answer right away he huffs and asks again, “Steve. Where is Barnes?”

Steve looks away, doesn’t quite meet Tony’s eyes as he says, “The safe house was compromised. Everyone was after him. I didn’t have a choice.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Rhodey asks, but Tony already knows.

“It means he brought Barnes here,” Tony says quietly. “He brought him back here.”

“I didn’t have a choice-” Steve repeats.

“I know,” Tony interrupts. Pepper’s nails are digging into his arm and, with what he hopes passes as a reassuring smile, he gently tugs it away. “It’s okay, Steve. I know. I get it.”

“You get it?” Pepper echoes, a little dubious.

Tony gives her a look. He understands her concerns- they’re the same concerns he knows that Rhodey has been harboring ever since Barnes resurfaced- but he can’t manage her emotions right now. “Yes,” he says, voice a little sharp. “ _Everyone_ was after him. That’s what you said, Steve. I’m guessing you didn’t just mean Hydra?”

Steve shakes his head. “Hydra, AIM, CIA, FBI… Nat thinks there were foreign operatives as well, at least Russian ones. Our safehouse was compromised, Bucky was in a bad way- and still is, to be honest- and I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t have time to ask permission and I am sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” Tony says and it’s a reflexive response because, if he’s being honest with himself, he’s not sure what his response would have been if Steve had called him earlier to ask.

Tony takes a deep breath. He needs to keep his emotions under control. He can't lose it now. "So he's in the Tower. Where, exactly, is he?"

"My rooms," Steve says. "Natasha, Clint, Sam, and Thor are watching him. Bruce is working with JARVIS to make sure that nothing will interfere with the security measures, and he's monitoring the video feed as well." Tony nods. It's a thorough plan. Even Rhodey looks begrudgingly approving, even if he still doesn't seem thrilled with what's going on. "Like I said, he lost his mechanical arm sometime during the fire-fight. Based on what's left of his shoulder, it looks like it got sheared clean off by some new laser weapon that Hydra has. We weren't able to bring the arm with us, so he's down a limb."

"He's still dangerous, though," Pepper says, and the words aren't as heated as Tony was expecting from her.

"Of course," Steve agrees. "That's why I have four Avengers watching him. Six if you count Bruce and JARVIS."

"Which you should," Tony says absently, his mind already a thousand steps ahead thinking of logistics and plans and fail-safes to make sure that nothing goes wrong. "He can't stay in your rooms." Steve opens his mouth to protest and Tony quickly holds up one hand, cutting him off. "He can't stay in your rooms because _you_ need those rooms, and because the security- while excellent- isn't good enough for me to be confident that he won't be able to break out. I've been building him a suite of his own. Same floor as your rooms, but completely separate and with no access to any of JARVIS's systems. He needs to be moved there." Tony can still see the doubt on Steve's face so he forces himself to smile and adds, "It's not a cell, Steve. It's a suite of rooms, just with a bit more security than I've put anywhere else in the Tower."

Steve sighs and scrubs at his face. "I know. And I know he's dangerous, but he turned himself in to us. I think he wants our help, and he'll understand why this is necessary."

Tony bites back all of the snarky comments that immediately come to mind. "Good. I hope so too," he says instead, because that's a safe response to give. He's not sure if Steve is thinking clearly in this situation- actually, he would be a hell of a lot of money that Steve _isn't-_ and that worries Tony. Hopefully Natasha or Sam, who are more removed from the situation, can help keep Steve in line here. Barnes might be his friend, but the Avengers are Steve's family. Tony just hopes that Steve doesn't get caught up in his emotions and lose sight of that.

Tony takes another deep breath. He knows what needs to happen now, but he's not looking forward to it. He turns towards his partners and tells them, "Pepper, Rhodey, you two go on inside. I'll be back up later."

"Tony, what are you-" Pepper starts to ask.

Rhodey cuts her off. "You want to see Barnes," he says. It's not a question.

Tony nods. "We need to get him moved to his own suite, and we need to have a team-wide meeting about what to do going forward. This can't be a unilateral decision that one or two of us makes." Tony directs the last part to Steve, who's already nodding in agreement. "Even if he's not currently brainwashed or actively dangerous, that doesn't change the fact that he's a wanted criminal. The whole team needs a say on how we handle him, because keeping him here is going to affect all of us." Tony exhales slowly, and tells himself that his racing heart is just from the adrenaline of knowing that there's too much to do. "And all that has to start with me seeing him."

He's expecting at least one of them to protest. Rhodey has always been sour on Barnes, ever since the revelation that he killed Tony's parents, and Pepper is fiercely protective of Tony's best interests. But maybe it's because of the progress they've seen Tony during their vacation, or maybe it's just a testament to how much they trust him, but they both nod and Rhodey says, "Alright. I don't like it, but... alright."

"Just make sure you actually come up to bed tonight. None of the shit you pulled in the cabin, do you hear me?" Pepper says.

"I know. I promise, I'll come up once this is taken care of," Tony says.

"You better." Pepper leans up to kiss him once on the cheek, and then her and Rhodey disappear inside the penthouse.

Tony follows Steve back into the elevator. There's silence between the two men at first, uncomfortable in a way that Tony isn't used to these days. "Are you really okay with this?" Steve finally asks. He's staring straight ahead, not looking at Tony as he speaks, and Tony can see the tension in every line of his body.

Tony shrugs. "Yeah, I mean- I'm not gonna lie to you, Steve, this is gonna be hard. But what Bucky did..." Tony swallows, and has to push aside the thought of his mother being murdered. "He was brainwashed. It wasn't him. Not really."

"Thank you for that," Steve says, and Tony can visible see some of the tension leave his shoulders. "And thank you for everything else- for the program, and the suite you built for him. You didn't have to do any of that but- Well, Buck's my friend, and I really appreciate that you did."

Something uncomfortable settles in the pit of Tony's stomach at Steve's last sentence, as the specific phrasing of _Buck's my friend_ combined with the implication that Steve hadn't been expecting this reaction from Tony at all. It feels almost like a betrayal of the friendship Tony thought he had been building with Steve- but that's absolutely ridiculous, and Tony forces himself to push away the thought. "Well, you know we're all your friends too," Tony says, making sure to keep his voice light. "We're here for you, Steve, and Bucky by extension. Whatever we can do to help, let us know."

"I know that, and I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am for it," Steve says. It's a neutral enough response, but Tony can see Steve relax just a little bit more than he did before and he can't help but feel a little bit of misplaced smugness at that.

The elevator finally comes to a stop on one of the lower residential floors and the doors open. Sam's waiting outside Steve's rooms and he looks up as the two of them walk out. "Natasha and Thor are in there with him. Clint took a position on a neighboring roof and has a comm link to me and Nat," Sam explains succinctly. "Bucky knows he's being watched on all fronts, but so far he still seems calm and cooperative. I think the extra security measures are actually helping him relax."

"He doesn't want to hurt anyone, he's probably grateful that he can be stopped if he's set off," Steve says.

Tony rocks gently into Steve's shoulder and says, "Or he's grateful that various shady government agencies can't get to him here." Steve looks a little dejected at that, but Tony isn't sorry he said it. Steve has to stay focused and realistic with the situation here. To Sam, he asks, "Is it okay for us to go in?"

Sam looks at Steve, who nods. "Yeah, you're good to see him," Sam says, and he stands aside to let Tony and Steve into the room.

Steve takes the lead, pushing the door open and walking inside. That's probably for the best- better that Bucky see Steve first rather than Tony, and he's fine with hanging back at first. Thor catches his eye from across the room and gives him a single, serious nod, which is a little relieving to see. If the resident demi-god doesn't think there's a problem, then things are probably okay.

Then, Steve steps aside and Tony and Bucky get their first glimpse of each other- and Tony's earlier suspicions are confirmed. Bucky's posture immediately goes tense, his face closing off and losing all emotion. Tony feels his heart jump up to his throat and he braces himself to make a run for the door, before he realizes that no one else seems concerned about the current situation. That's when he notices the way that Barnes shakes slightly, the ashen color of his face- all tell-tale signs that Barnes isn't falling back into his Winter Soldier state, but that he is, for some reason, terrified of Tony Stark.

Natasha is suddenly at Tony's side and she nudges him forward, a sharp, "Say something!" hissed in his ear.

Tony wonders how he ended up in this situation, forced to extend the first olive branch to the man who killed his parents... but maybe it's the memory of that very crime that has Barnes in such a state right now. He clears his throat, the noise too loud in the stillness of the room, and extends a hand towards Barnes- towards Bucky.

"Well," he says with a small laugh. "Welcome to Avengers Tower, Bucky."


End file.
